Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A season of grief

Unexpectedly, I am once again dealing with intense grief over my mother's passing. 

Possibly it is because the one-year mark is approaching (November 1).   At this time last year I was trying to determine when I would have to head East to spend her last days with her.

Possibly it is because we both enjoyed the Fall so much, and this is the first year I cannot share that pleasure with her.

I can't put my finger on the "why" of it, but it's taken me completely off guard.

And I don't like it.

I desperately miss the grounding and re-orienting that I gained just from hearing her voice. It reassured me, at some fundamental level, that I am still me.  That sounds silly, but you know what I mean. With that source of reassurance gone, I sometimes feel like I'm adrift far, far away from home.

Mom at 17
In the past two weeks I've cried just about as much as I did right after her passing. I so miss sharing life with her.

- Catherine

3 comments:

Christy said...

Oh, Catherine, I am so sorry. Not much else to say. I'll be praying for peace for you.

Katie said...

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. -Psalm 34:18
Praying for you, Cath....

Joyce said...

I'm sorry Catherine. I don't think you need a reason to feel what you feel. I'll be praying too.