Cold Light of Day

I won't pretend that our family relationships are all smooth sailing here. It would be nice to have the fantasy of tying up all the loose ends as my mother's life on earth comes to a close, but that really isn't happening on a widespread basis in my corner of the world.

My mother and I are fine, and that's the biggest blessing, of course.

My stepfather and I are not so fine, however. I still, to this day, have not the slightest idea when and how his enmity toward me began, but he is an unforgiving man, unfortunately -- once you cross him, that's it. He's been my stepfather since I was 17 years old -- I never lived with them, but no doubt I crossed him at some point. I don't know when. I just know that he resents my presence and that our good weekend was due solely to my brother being around. My stepfather likes him.

Now that my brother has gone home and it's just me, the real feelings are coming out again.

He is not a man that you can talk to. There are no discussions about feelings. There is just scorn and animosity as far as the eye can see, and any attempts at making amends would be greeted with derision. As I said, once he is crossed, he writes that person off.

I wouldn't care so much except that his temper sometimes gets the better of him and then my mother suffers (not physically -- there is no danger of that). She wants me here with her. My stepfather has been taking good care of her, but he IS 83 years old and he is tired. He cannot keep up with all of it and there are some aspects of her care that he's really not willing or able to do.

This is a long whine, I know. I'm not asking for sympathy -- just prayer that the miracle of God's grace will cover this situation so that my mother is protected and comfortable.

Many thanks to all of you for tracking me on this odyssey. Your support means the world to me!

- Catherine