I discovered something this year about decorating the tree, and it is this: if you are the only one who is going to actually enjoy the process, you should do it on your own. Honestly, by the time we were done, I was more than a little irritated with my menfolk. If it wasn't the texting of the son, it was the whining of the husband about the decorations.
Enough!
Next year, I either borrow a few young children who will enjoy it with me or I do it myself.
Fair warning, men of the Giesbrecht household!
- Catherine
Monday, December 7, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
The letters
A surprise package awaited me on the porch when I got home the other evening. A quick glance showed me that it was from my stepfather, but I couldn't fathom what it might be. My mother and he had so carefully planned everything before her passing that I truly thought I'd brought home every last item I was supposed to inherit.
Wrong.
And, truthfully, I wished this particular package had gone forever astray into some black hole in the U.S. Postal Service system.
Inside the box were letters and cards that she had kept. The cards were mostly from me although a few were from my brother, with dates ranging from the late 1970s to 2001.
It's the letters that are the real issue. These are letters that I wrote to her in the first few years after she divorced my dad, when she was living in Pennsylvania and I was still in New Jersey. Because when my mother left my dad, she did so without warning, without goodbye, and... without us kids. I was 16.
You can imagine the emotions of a 16 year-old girl in that situation. I came home from school to find all of my mother's things cleared out and a note left on the kitchen table. Going back, even at the distance of 35 years, and reliving the feelings of that time is extremely painful.
These letters that I wrote her were cheeky and artificially cheerful -- masking a deep wound that, while it has since scarred over, is still sensitive to the touch.
At the time, I didn't realize just how unhappy I was. In hindsight, when I look at the choices I've made over the years, I can see how deep and far reaching was that one event in our lives. Not that I'm not responsible for my subsequent choices -- I was and I am very much responsible for the way I have lived my life. I could have made better choices along the way.
Thankfully, I've been forgiven by my Father in Heaven. Forgiving myself, though, is another matter on which I'm still working. My choices over the years have created a ripple effect in the lives of others. And not in a good way. The Bible verse about the "sins of the fathers (parents) being visited on the children" is a very, very real principle.
This box of memories is an unexpected and unwelcome wrinkle in the grieving process. It has stirred up a huge hornet's nest of emotion for which I was totally unprepared. One thing that I do know for sure is that the ultimate destination of these letters will be a bonfire outside in the charcoal grill, which will bring some welcome closure and relief. But I also know that I still have emotional ground to cover before the fire can be allowed to consume the memories.
For those who perhaps are wondering, this is a subject I didn't really talk about with my mother. I knew she was hurting and that eventually she came to regret the timeline of her actions. I never wanted to compound that hurt in any way while she was alive on this earth. From the ashes of her leaving our family in 1974 there eventually rose between us a very fine friendship and a very deep love. And now? Now she sees it all perfectly, in God's light. Eventually, I will, too. I'm content with that.
And so it goes.
- Catherine
Wrong.
And, truthfully, I wished this particular package had gone forever astray into some black hole in the U.S. Postal Service system.
Inside the box were letters and cards that she had kept. The cards were mostly from me although a few were from my brother, with dates ranging from the late 1970s to 2001.
It's the letters that are the real issue. These are letters that I wrote to her in the first few years after she divorced my dad, when she was living in Pennsylvania and I was still in New Jersey. Because when my mother left my dad, she did so without warning, without goodbye, and... without us kids. I was 16.
You can imagine the emotions of a 16 year-old girl in that situation. I came home from school to find all of my mother's things cleared out and a note left on the kitchen table. Going back, even at the distance of 35 years, and reliving the feelings of that time is extremely painful.
These letters that I wrote her were cheeky and artificially cheerful -- masking a deep wound that, while it has since scarred over, is still sensitive to the touch.
At the time, I didn't realize just how unhappy I was. In hindsight, when I look at the choices I've made over the years, I can see how deep and far reaching was that one event in our lives. Not that I'm not responsible for my subsequent choices -- I was and I am very much responsible for the way I have lived my life. I could have made better choices along the way.
Thankfully, I've been forgiven by my Father in Heaven. Forgiving myself, though, is another matter on which I'm still working. My choices over the years have created a ripple effect in the lives of others. And not in a good way. The Bible verse about the "sins of the fathers (parents) being visited on the children" is a very, very real principle.
This box of memories is an unexpected and unwelcome wrinkle in the grieving process. It has stirred up a huge hornet's nest of emotion for which I was totally unprepared. One thing that I do know for sure is that the ultimate destination of these letters will be a bonfire outside in the charcoal grill, which will bring some welcome closure and relief. But I also know that I still have emotional ground to cover before the fire can be allowed to consume the memories.
For those who perhaps are wondering, this is a subject I didn't really talk about with my mother. I knew she was hurting and that eventually she came to regret the timeline of her actions. I never wanted to compound that hurt in any way while she was alive on this earth. From the ashes of her leaving our family in 1974 there eventually rose between us a very fine friendship and a very deep love. And now? Now she sees it all perfectly, in God's light. Eventually, I will, too. I'm content with that.
And so it goes.
- Catherine
Friday's Fave Five
Truthfully, I'm going to have to dig deep here to find five faves from the week. And that's because yesterday I received a package in the mail from my stepfather -- it contained many cards that we'd sent to my mother over the years and it contained many letters that I wrote to her in the early years after she left my dad. As I write this Fave Five, I am still processing the emotions resulting from my perusal of those letters. But.. that's another blog post.
So, for now, my Fave Five for this past week:
1. The means to pay for car repairs when they come up.
2. A clean house (I've only just got caught up from the 4 weeks of traveling that I did this Fall).
3. The anticipation of decorating for Christmas -- we pulled the decorations out of storage yesterday and will put them up this Sunday.
4. Friends who respond in times of need.
5. Hobbies that can so completely absorb me that I feel like I've had a mini-vacation.
Have a great weekend! For more Fave Fives, or to play along yourself, go to Susanne's blog at Living to Tell and use the "Mr. Linky" button at the end of her post.
- Catherine
So, for now, my Fave Five for this past week:
1. The means to pay for car repairs when they come up.
2. A clean house (I've only just got caught up from the 4 weeks of traveling that I did this Fall).
3. The anticipation of decorating for Christmas -- we pulled the decorations out of storage yesterday and will put them up this Sunday.
4. Friends who respond in times of need.
5. Hobbies that can so completely absorb me that I feel like I've had a mini-vacation.
Have a great weekend! For more Fave Fives, or to play along yourself, go to Susanne's blog at Living to Tell and use the "Mr. Linky" button at the end of her post.
- Catherine
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Summoning up some inspiration
Last night a friend came over to do some card making with me. I have been a scrapbooker and card maker for several years, and doing those things in company with others is always fun. Rather like an old fashioned quilting bee, I think. Your hands are busy and there's a lot of laughter, but there is also plenty of time for talk that can end up digging pretty deep by the end of the night.
Before my mother's passing, I'd been working on some Christmas gifts for my girls (my daughters and daughers-in-law), but since I returned home I've noticed that my creative inspiration is in really, really short supply. The projects sit on my craft table, untouched since early October. I'm not sure if I'll get them done this year after all. I hope so, but inspiration had better strike soon.
The fact that I ever took up paper crafts in the first place is hard to believe. I was the kid in the (1960s) kindergarten class who couldn't color within the lines or cut out a pre-printed shape or keep the paste from smearing all over every inch of her worksheet. I vividly remember how my 5-year old heart would sink whenever our teacher said we'd be "cutting and pasting" in our workbooks. I hated the feeling of having paste up to my elbows and knowing that my classmates could do these tasks so much better than I. When the art teacher arrived on his once or twice a week rounds for art class, I wanted to hide. I swear, my kindergarten arts and crafts experiences scarred me for life, because even now the memories of humiliation are very real.
When I moved to Utah in 2002, I moved to "scrapbook central." The number and size of the craft stores and manufacturing warehouses is quite staggering. Two major companies are based in Utah -- Provo Craft and Making Memories. The semi-annual warehouse sale put on by Making Memories has to be seen to be believed. And the papers are so beautiful! Before I learned how to scrapbook, I would browse through the papers just for the fun of seeing the pretty designs and colors.
My neighbor in Utah eventually taught me how to scrapbook, and she was very generous with her own supplies - I had an abundance of papers, embellishments and tools to work with right from the start. She also shared her knowledge and her artistic taste with me, gently guiding me when things didn't go together quite as I'd envisioned. Over the years I have had a lot of fun making scrapbooks and cards -- some to keep and some to give away as keepsakes for others.
And you don't have to color within the lines or be able to cut a shape by hand. Ha!
Last year it became apparent that there was interest in scrapbooking among some of the women of our church, so it was my turn to take on the role that my neighbor had played. I set up monthly evenings for scrapbooking, and I've opened my own storehouse of supplies to the women who join me. It gives me an excuse to keep buying beautiful papers (something that no scrapbooker can resist, even when a new project is not being contemplated at the time).
I chose to make gift tags last night in order to try out my new Cricut cartridge (snagged it on sale on Black Friday!). The new cartridge makes some cool Christmas shapes, and it felt good to be doing something that required a small amount of creativity. The last several weeks have pretty much been about just keeping my head above water with work, housework and daily life.
Now if I could just get some inspiration to finish those projects for the girls! I'd tell you what those projects are, but I happen to know that at least two of the girls read this blog. So, if I get them done, I'll post pictures after Christmas!
- Catherine
Before my mother's passing, I'd been working on some Christmas gifts for my girls (my daughters and daughers-in-law), but since I returned home I've noticed that my creative inspiration is in really, really short supply. The projects sit on my craft table, untouched since early October. I'm not sure if I'll get them done this year after all. I hope so, but inspiration had better strike soon.
The fact that I ever took up paper crafts in the first place is hard to believe. I was the kid in the (1960s) kindergarten class who couldn't color within the lines or cut out a pre-printed shape or keep the paste from smearing all over every inch of her worksheet. I vividly remember how my 5-year old heart would sink whenever our teacher said we'd be "cutting and pasting" in our workbooks. I hated the feeling of having paste up to my elbows and knowing that my classmates could do these tasks so much better than I. When the art teacher arrived on his once or twice a week rounds for art class, I wanted to hide. I swear, my kindergarten arts and crafts experiences scarred me for life, because even now the memories of humiliation are very real.
When I moved to Utah in 2002, I moved to "scrapbook central." The number and size of the craft stores and manufacturing warehouses is quite staggering. Two major companies are based in Utah -- Provo Craft and Making Memories. The semi-annual warehouse sale put on by Making Memories has to be seen to be believed. And the papers are so beautiful! Before I learned how to scrapbook, I would browse through the papers just for the fun of seeing the pretty designs and colors.
My neighbor in Utah eventually taught me how to scrapbook, and she was very generous with her own supplies - I had an abundance of papers, embellishments and tools to work with right from the start. She also shared her knowledge and her artistic taste with me, gently guiding me when things didn't go together quite as I'd envisioned. Over the years I have had a lot of fun making scrapbooks and cards -- some to keep and some to give away as keepsakes for others.
And you don't have to color within the lines or be able to cut a shape by hand. Ha!
Last year it became apparent that there was interest in scrapbooking among some of the women of our church, so it was my turn to take on the role that my neighbor had played. I set up monthly evenings for scrapbooking, and I've opened my own storehouse of supplies to the women who join me. It gives me an excuse to keep buying beautiful papers (something that no scrapbooker can resist, even when a new project is not being contemplated at the time).
I chose to make gift tags last night in order to try out my new Cricut cartridge (snagged it on sale on Black Friday!). The new cartridge makes some cool Christmas shapes, and it felt good to be doing something that required a small amount of creativity. The last several weeks have pretty much been about just keeping my head above water with work, housework and daily life.
Now if I could just get some inspiration to finish those projects for the girls! I'd tell you what those projects are, but I happen to know that at least two of the girls read this blog. So, if I get them done, I'll post pictures after Christmas!
- Catherine
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Random Dozen -- the Wednesday meme
Ta da! A new look for my Blog AND this week's Random Dozen, courtesy of Lid. What more could you ask for?
1. Which Wizard of Oz character are you most like?
The Tin Man. Don’t ask me why because I don’t really know. Maybe because I know I have a brain and I usually have enough courage, but I am not always sure I have a heart? Hmmmm….....
2. When you're deciding what you're going to wear each morning, which item do you select first? Why?
The top – because I have many more of those than bottoms.
3. What kind of animal do you think the world could live without?
Snakes. I have a real phobia – they absolutely scare the crap out of me. Please don’t hate me, animal lovers.
4. How many Christmas trees are in your home?
One. We have enough ornaments for two, but the house isn’t big enough for two. Yet.
5. Would you prefer to be emotionless if it meant you didn't have to feel heartbreak?
There are days when I would cheerfully answer “yes” to that question, but I know the real answer is “no.”
6. Do you ever experience holiday let-down or depression?
I used to, especially right after some change had been made in our lives. But in recent years, with our home life settled, that has finally gone away.
7. Do you like Michael Jackson's music?
I liked some of the stuff he did in the 80s – around the Thriller era – but absolutely nothing after that.
8. Why is it that we never judge people who have their teeth fixed for cosmetic reasons, but every other cosmetic procedure has a stigma?
It seems to me that good teeth are a sign in our society that someone takes basic care of himself/herself and has good hygiene. Other cosmetic procedures, such as facelifts or tummy tucks, are viewed as superfluous and artificial – like flying in the face of nature.
9. Enjoy horseback riding?
I used to, but I had a scare a few years ago and lost my nerve. I still dream of being able to get on and go for a ride, but so far, I can’t make myself do it.
10. Shoes--practical or stylish?
Practical. My feet hurt too much to be really stylish, although I still try for some style where possible. So, no 3-inch heels for me – partly because they are uncomfortable and partly because they would make me taller than my husband. I do look for 1-1 ½ inch heels when I need to wear something dressy, but they have to be comfortable or it’s a total non-starter.
11. What was the name of your first pet? Feel free to post a pic.
My earliest memories growing up are of a dog named Meg and a gray tabby cat named Pixie. Meg was a Dalmation, and a really sweet and smart dog. She saved my (then toddler) brother from going out in the road once – he thought he’d follow Dad to work and my mother had momentarily turned her attention to something else. By the time Mom realized what had happened, Meg had already collared my brother and wouldn’t let him get up off the ground at the end of the driveway.
12. What percentage of your Christmas shopping is done?
About 1/3 as of this writing. Not bad, but I think we might have Christmas a few days early this year due to the kids’ schedules – so I’d better get cracking!
And now, I'm off to have the car repaired. Oh joy.
- Catherine
This meme is hosted by Lid at 2nd Cup of Coffee. You could play along, too, if you wish -- just copy and paste the questions into your own blog, and then, when you've answered the questions, go to the Mr. Linky button at the end of Lid's Random Dozen blog entry. You can link your answers there and also use that to access the blogs of others.
1. Which Wizard of Oz character are you most like?
The Tin Man. Don’t ask me why because I don’t really know. Maybe because I know I have a brain and I usually have enough courage, but I am not always sure I have a heart? Hmmmm….....
2. When you're deciding what you're going to wear each morning, which item do you select first? Why?
The top – because I have many more of those than bottoms.
3. What kind of animal do you think the world could live without?
Snakes. I have a real phobia – they absolutely scare the crap out of me. Please don’t hate me, animal lovers.
4. How many Christmas trees are in your home?
One. We have enough ornaments for two, but the house isn’t big enough for two. Yet.
5. Would you prefer to be emotionless if it meant you didn't have to feel heartbreak?
There are days when I would cheerfully answer “yes” to that question, but I know the real answer is “no.”
6. Do you ever experience holiday let-down or depression?
I used to, especially right after some change had been made in our lives. But in recent years, with our home life settled, that has finally gone away.
7. Do you like Michael Jackson's music?
I liked some of the stuff he did in the 80s – around the Thriller era – but absolutely nothing after that.
8. Why is it that we never judge people who have their teeth fixed for cosmetic reasons, but every other cosmetic procedure has a stigma?
It seems to me that good teeth are a sign in our society that someone takes basic care of himself/herself and has good hygiene. Other cosmetic procedures, such as facelifts or tummy tucks, are viewed as superfluous and artificial – like flying in the face of nature.
9. Enjoy horseback riding?
I used to, but I had a scare a few years ago and lost my nerve. I still dream of being able to get on and go for a ride, but so far, I can’t make myself do it.
10. Shoes--practical or stylish?
Practical. My feet hurt too much to be really stylish, although I still try for some style where possible. So, no 3-inch heels for me – partly because they are uncomfortable and partly because they would make me taller than my husband. I do look for 1-1 ½ inch heels when I need to wear something dressy, but they have to be comfortable or it’s a total non-starter.
11. What was the name of your first pet? Feel free to post a pic.
My earliest memories growing up are of a dog named Meg and a gray tabby cat named Pixie. Meg was a Dalmation, and a really sweet and smart dog. She saved my (then toddler) brother from going out in the road once – he thought he’d follow Dad to work and my mother had momentarily turned her attention to something else. By the time Mom realized what had happened, Meg had already collared my brother and wouldn’t let him get up off the ground at the end of the driveway.
12. What percentage of your Christmas shopping is done?
About 1/3 as of this writing. Not bad, but I think we might have Christmas a few days early this year due to the kids’ schedules – so I’d better get cracking!
And now, I'm off to have the car repaired. Oh joy.
- Catherine
This meme is hosted by Lid at 2nd Cup of Coffee. You could play along, too, if you wish -- just copy and paste the questions into your own blog, and then, when you've answered the questions, go to the Mr. Linky button at the end of Lid's Random Dozen blog entry. You can link your answers there and also use that to access the blogs of others.
Monday, November 30, 2009
More odd shades of grief
I miss my mother. This morning I drove down to Salt Lake City, getting back to my regular work schedule of two days in the Salt Lake office each week. I ALWAYS talk to my mother right after I get on the Interstate in Idaho.
This was the first time I'd made the drive since returning from Pennsylvania after her funeral.
I miss my mother when I'm driving.
I also miss her in the little, funny things of life. We shared a similar sense of humor (which it took me to adulthood to understand, quite frankly -- but that is another, much more angst-laden blog post). So, it doesn't surprise me that, even as her body was shutting down this life on earth, there was a humorous moment along the way.
Background: The timeline of my mother's illness and decline is that she was still up and around for several hours each day until the four days before she passed. She passed on a Sunday. The last time she was on her feet was the Thursday morning before. By Thursday afternoon, we knew she wouldn't be getting up again, and the hospice nurses made arrangements for a hospital bed to be brought in on Friday. And so it was, and mother was able to walk the five steps from one bed to the other, and that was pretty much it for her.
On Saturday morning, she woke me at 5:15 or so -- I forget why. Her eyes were still closed -- she was so weary at this point -- but she motioned to the hospital bed that she was lying in and said something I couldn't quite catch. After asking her to repeat it another two times, I finally realized that she was asking me, "Did he bring this in by himself?" Of course, my rejoinder was, "Did WHO bring this in by himself? Gus?" (meaning her husband). "No," she replied, "your father."
Well, now... that's a wee bit awkward.
In the split second that followed, I realized I had three options. 1) Remind her that she had not been married to my father for the last THIRTY FIVE years (what ARE you thinking, Mom???), 2) Remind her that my father had passed away nearly three years ago, or 3) Assure her that, indeed, he hadn't brought it in by himself. I opted for #3 and smothered a smile. If Mom had been up to it, she'd probably have enjoyed the humor of my situation there.
And when I remember that moment, I miss her so darn much that I can hardly breathe for a second or so.
- Catherine
This was the first time I'd made the drive since returning from Pennsylvania after her funeral.
I miss my mother when I'm driving.
I also miss her in the little, funny things of life. We shared a similar sense of humor (which it took me to adulthood to understand, quite frankly -- but that is another, much more angst-laden blog post). So, it doesn't surprise me that, even as her body was shutting down this life on earth, there was a humorous moment along the way.
Background: The timeline of my mother's illness and decline is that she was still up and around for several hours each day until the four days before she passed. She passed on a Sunday. The last time she was on her feet was the Thursday morning before. By Thursday afternoon, we knew she wouldn't be getting up again, and the hospice nurses made arrangements for a hospital bed to be brought in on Friday. And so it was, and mother was able to walk the five steps from one bed to the other, and that was pretty much it for her.
On Saturday morning, she woke me at 5:15 or so -- I forget why. Her eyes were still closed -- she was so weary at this point -- but she motioned to the hospital bed that she was lying in and said something I couldn't quite catch. After asking her to repeat it another two times, I finally realized that she was asking me, "Did he bring this in by himself?" Of course, my rejoinder was, "Did WHO bring this in by himself? Gus?" (meaning her husband). "No," she replied, "your father."
Well, now... that's a wee bit awkward.
In the split second that followed, I realized I had three options. 1) Remind her that she had not been married to my father for the last THIRTY FIVE years (what ARE you thinking, Mom???), 2) Remind her that my father had passed away nearly three years ago, or 3) Assure her that, indeed, he hadn't brought it in by himself. I opted for #3 and smothered a smile. If Mom had been up to it, she'd probably have enjoyed the humor of my situation there.
And when I remember that moment, I miss her so darn much that I can hardly breathe for a second or so.
- Catherine
Thanksgiving Weekend 2009
I think a list is the only way to describe what I've been up to for the past four days.
1. Thanksgiving Day -- about 80 people and a ton or so of excellent food. Oh, and the family football game played in cold but beautiful weather.
2. Preparations for my sister-in-law's wedding. Tim's five sisters put together a beautiful wedding, from the flowers to the food to Luci's dress. I was a willing worker bee, but we soon discovered that making corsages is not my forté. Instead, I went to work on the food platters, and that was a much better venue for my.... ahem... skills.
3. Shopping at 5:00 a.m. on Friday -- not necessarily because I wanted to, but because my usual insomnia had me up at 4:00 and I thought to myself, why not? As it turns out I scored two pre-lit artificial trees that my sister-in-law had hoped to add to her wedding backdrop (for a measly $30 each), plus some very nice silk poinsettias, also for the wedding, at 50% off. Skipping Wal-Mart, I opted instead for Fred Meyers, a store that is similar to Target (we don't have a Target -- we just have Freddie's). Everyone was very nice as we stood in line outside and chatted. Inside, the employees were terrific and the customers very civilized. I headed for Joann's Fabric Store from there, in time for their 6:00 a.m. opening. People RAN into that store, and it wasn't until I got inside myself that I found out why -- the Cricut (a cutting machine for crafters) was on sale for $75. Fortunately, I already own one of those. The other reason folks ran into Joann's was because fabric was deeply discounted for the morning only -- a very large variety of fabric was marked down to something like $1.00 per yard for the first six hours of Friday morning. I was very glad I didn't have to stand in line for fabric cutting - it snaked around the inside of the store.
4. The wedding was beautiful and went off nearly perfectly. My sisters-in-law outdid themselves, I think.
The bride and groom.
5. Leftovers at my parents-in-law's house yesterday, plus another football game played by the cousins. I love the way the older boys try to include the little kids as much as they can. There were plenty of dazzling passes, to be sure, but there were also plenty of instances where the little kids really got to try to play the game.
6. The distribution of this year's profits from our family's fair booth at the State Fair. We began the meeting with prayer, and there were some difficult conversations as we debated priorities and the division of the money. In the end, consensus was reached on all counts, and everyone was satisfied with the decisions. (And we are still all friends.) We chose to focus, as our outreach, on supporting the work of the Gospel through missions, setting aside some funds for any of our kids going on mission trips this coming year. The rest of the money we made on the booth was put toward financial needs within our extended family. The work at the fair is very hard, both physically and emotionally, but it becomes more than worthwhile when the end result is that we can help to take care of God's work and our own family.
7. Monday morning, here we go!
1. Thanksgiving Day -- about 80 people and a ton or so of excellent food. Oh, and the family football game played in cold but beautiful weather.
2. Preparations for my sister-in-law's wedding. Tim's five sisters put together a beautiful wedding, from the flowers to the food to Luci's dress. I was a willing worker bee, but we soon discovered that making corsages is not my forté. Instead, I went to work on the food platters, and that was a much better venue for my.... ahem... skills.
3. Shopping at 5:00 a.m. on Friday -- not necessarily because I wanted to, but because my usual insomnia had me up at 4:00 and I thought to myself, why not? As it turns out I scored two pre-lit artificial trees that my sister-in-law had hoped to add to her wedding backdrop (for a measly $30 each), plus some very nice silk poinsettias, also for the wedding, at 50% off. Skipping Wal-Mart, I opted instead for Fred Meyers, a store that is similar to Target (we don't have a Target -- we just have Freddie's). Everyone was very nice as we stood in line outside and chatted. Inside, the employees were terrific and the customers very civilized. I headed for Joann's Fabric Store from there, in time for their 6:00 a.m. opening. People RAN into that store, and it wasn't until I got inside myself that I found out why -- the Cricut (a cutting machine for crafters) was on sale for $75. Fortunately, I already own one of those. The other reason folks ran into Joann's was because fabric was deeply discounted for the morning only -- a very large variety of fabric was marked down to something like $1.00 per yard for the first six hours of Friday morning. I was very glad I didn't have to stand in line for fabric cutting - it snaked around the inside of the store.
4. The wedding was beautiful and went off nearly perfectly. My sisters-in-law outdid themselves, I think.
5. Leftovers at my parents-in-law's house yesterday, plus another football game played by the cousins. I love the way the older boys try to include the little kids as much as they can. There were plenty of dazzling passes, to be sure, but there were also plenty of instances where the little kids really got to try to play the game.
6. The distribution of this year's profits from our family's fair booth at the State Fair. We began the meeting with prayer, and there were some difficult conversations as we debated priorities and the division of the money. In the end, consensus was reached on all counts, and everyone was satisfied with the decisions. (And we are still all friends.) We chose to focus, as our outreach, on supporting the work of the Gospel through missions, setting aside some funds for any of our kids going on mission trips this coming year. The rest of the money we made on the booth was put toward financial needs within our extended family. The work at the fair is very hard, both physically and emotionally, but it becomes more than worthwhile when the end result is that we can help to take care of God's work and our own family.
7. Monday morning, here we go!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Friday's Fave Five
Another week and another list of highlights!
1. Thanksgiving day with the family -- most of our kids, all of Tim's siblings, my parents-in-law, countless grandchildren, great-nephews and great-nieces, and, of course, the Family Football Game.
2. The excitement of my sister-in-law's marriage (the wedding is tomorrow). We are so happy for them both!
3. My camera -- the lowliest of the Nikon DX series (a DX40), but an amazing camera nonetheless. I am so glad I treated myself by purchasing it two years ago.
4. The gas fireplace (stove) in our family room -- nicely toasty on a cold day!
5. New friends who came to Thanksgiving dinner with us. A family of 5, they came to our church last week for the first time and we got to talking for a few minutes with them at the kids' activity later that day. Upon finding that they wouldn't be going home (3 hours away) for Thanksgiving, we invited them to ours -- which they declined because they'd already been invited to another Thanksgiving dinner. Only it wasn't "another" dinner -- it was ours -- because they'd been invited by our nephew and his wife. We had a great time getting to know them better yesterday.
This meme is hosted by Susanne at Living to Tell -- you can link up your list with her's by visiting her blog and using the "Mr. Linky" thing-a-ma-bob at the end of her Fave Five post.
Have a great weekend!
- Catherine
1. Thanksgiving day with the family -- most of our kids, all of Tim's siblings, my parents-in-law, countless grandchildren, great-nephews and great-nieces, and, of course, the Family Football Game.
2. The excitement of my sister-in-law's marriage (the wedding is tomorrow). We are so happy for them both!
3. My camera -- the lowliest of the Nikon DX series (a DX40), but an amazing camera nonetheless. I am so glad I treated myself by purchasing it two years ago.
4. The gas fireplace (stove) in our family room -- nicely toasty on a cold day!
5. New friends who came to Thanksgiving dinner with us. A family of 5, they came to our church last week for the first time and we got to talking for a few minutes with them at the kids' activity later that day. Upon finding that they wouldn't be going home (3 hours away) for Thanksgiving, we invited them to ours -- which they declined because they'd already been invited to another Thanksgiving dinner. Only it wasn't "another" dinner -- it was ours -- because they'd been invited by our nephew and his wife. We had a great time getting to know them better yesterday.
This meme is hosted by Susanne at Living to Tell -- you can link up your list with her's by visiting her blog and using the "Mr. Linky" thing-a-ma-bob at the end of her Fave Five post.
Have a great weekend!
- Catherine
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Grandma's evening out
Two years ago I started a tradition of having an evening out at Christmastime with my granddaughter (and eldest grandchild), Kali. She was 7-going-on-8 at the time, a good age to start this kind of thing. We both like to dress up, so what better choice than a local performance of the Nutcracker? That first year, she slept through most of the second act, but she enjoyed herself immensely, being out for a grown-up evening. I had a blast, too.
The tradition has continued, and last night was our third Christmastime outing – once again to see the Nutcracker. (Last year we saw a production of A Christmas Carol, brought into town by a professional touring company.) Off we went, last night, to see a Nutcracker performance put on by a touring company of The Moscow Ballet, and we got to see it in Pocatello's amazing Stephen's Performing Arts Center. The Stephen’s PAC is a fabulous venue, reputed to have some of the best acoustics in the country. We had seats in the topmost balcony area, right on the railing – a great view of the stage.
I don’t know much about The Moscow Ballet, but Russian ballet companies, in general, have quite a reputation, given the history of ballet in that country. This was a regional touring arm of The Moscow Ballet. The principal dancing was really excellent, the costumes were lovely, and the minimalist set (just two elaborate backdrops) was imaginatively designed.
Kali fell asleep again this year -- just the last 15 minutes -- but no matter. We thoroughly enjoyed our evening “at the ballet,” as we airily pronounced it, dressed in our Christmas finery. I loved making another memory with my eldest grandchild, and I am looking forward to the day when Granddaughter #2 (we have only two so far) is also old enough for such activities.
Kali already wants to know what we’ll be seeing next year.
The tradition has continued, and last night was our third Christmastime outing – once again to see the Nutcracker. (Last year we saw a production of A Christmas Carol, brought into town by a professional touring company.) Off we went, last night, to see a Nutcracker performance put on by a touring company of The Moscow Ballet, and we got to see it in Pocatello's amazing Stephen's Performing Arts Center. The Stephen’s PAC is a fabulous venue, reputed to have some of the best acoustics in the country. We had seats in the topmost balcony area, right on the railing – a great view of the stage.
I don’t know much about The Moscow Ballet, but Russian ballet companies, in general, have quite a reputation, given the history of ballet in that country. This was a regional touring arm of The Moscow Ballet. The principal dancing was really excellent, the costumes were lovely, and the minimalist set (just two elaborate backdrops) was imaginatively designed.
Kali fell asleep again this year -- just the last 15 minutes -- but no matter. We thoroughly enjoyed our evening “at the ballet,” as we airily pronounced it, dressed in our Christmas finery. I loved making another memory with my eldest grandchild, and I am looking forward to the day when Granddaughter #2 (we have only two so far) is also old enough for such activities.
Kali already wants to know what we’ll be seeing next year.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Random Dozen -- the Wednesday meme on Tuesday this week!
The weekly Random Dozen is a day early this week so that we can all be happily getting ready for Thanksgiving and the resulting food coma. If I don't see you here later this week, then please let me wish you a Happy Thanksgiving now!
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1. Are you sticking to traditional Thanksgiving foods this year, or are you being culinarily adventurous?
Traditional. My mother-in-law (who is a caterer) always hosts the meal at her home, and we (“we” being about 70 people) are gathering there. I am in charge of making the gluten-free stuffing and the gluten-free dessert for my hubby, his sister, and one of our guests. I’ve experimented with a Sausage-Apple stuffing recipe from my cousin (thank you, Dot and Karen – what a fabulous stuffing!!!). I think it’s a real hit, even with gluten-free bread and gluten-free cornbread as the foundation. Can’t wait to serve it to those who think they will have to go without stuffing on Thanksgiving Day! Ditto the chocolate cake that I’ll be bringing.
2. Tell me something concrete that you're thankful for. (Something you can literally touch, see, etc., not a concept like "hope.")
Automatic air freshener. You walk by and it automatically squirts scent into the air. Neither of the male folk in my house seem to be capable of picking up a can of air freshener and spraying it at.. umm… appropriate times. So.... automatic air freshener in an apple/cinnamon scent = problem solved!
3. You knew the flip side was coming: Share about something intangible that you're thankful for.
The depth and breadth of my husband’s love – he may not be perfect, but he is truly a man after God’s own heart and he has taught me a great deal about love.
4. Share one vivid Thanksgiving memory. It doesn't have to be deep or meaningful, just something that remains etched in your memory.
Last year’s family football game on Thanksgiving Day. The autumn sunlight, the expansive view of the mountains in the distance, and the fun all the cousins had as they played the game…..
5. What is one thing that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt is going to happen this Thanksgiving because it always does, year after year?
I will look at that heavily laden buffet, I will dive in face first, and I will overeat. And then I will kick myself for doing so. It’s a gift.
6. Do your pets get any leftovers?
At my mother-in-law’s house, I don’t know because all the dogs live outside. If we were at my house, absolutely yes. And Hank would know that and be doing his best to look like he’s not begging when he really is. Me: “Hank Williams Jr! No begging!” Hank would then turn his limpid brown eyes upon me, let his ears droop, and I would be vanquished in an instant. That dog has my number.
7. Does your family pray before the big meal? If so, do you join hands while seated, stand, repeat a formal prayer or offer a spontaneous prayer? Who does the praying?
My father-in-law gives thanks before the meal – it is always spontaneous prayer.
8. Will you be watching football in the afternoon? If not, what will you be doing?
We won’t be watching the NFL, but we will be watching our own family football game out on the lawn.
9. There are two distinct camps of people on this issue: How do you feel about oysters in the dressing/stuffing?
I’ve never had oysters in the stuffing, so I don’t know how I feel about it. As long as I don’t have to feel FOR the oysters….. (couldn’t resist, Lid!).
10. Do you consider yourself informed about the first Thanksgiving?
Well, I think so. But it’s not something I’ve studied very much, I must say.
11. Which variety of pie will you be enjoying?
There will be a huge variety of desserts at Thanksgiving – I will probably have a small taste of several, including, but not limited to, pumpkin pie.
12. Do you feel for the turkey?? (This is a humorous throw back question related to the 12th question in another Random Dozen!)
We-ell…. while I didn’t feel for the fish in the previous Random Dozen, I do feel for the turkeys a little bit. Turkey farms can be horrendous places, quite frankly. But I eat it anyway.
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If you want to play along with this weekly meme, copy and paste the questions into your own blog (and supply your own answers, of course). Then go to Lid's blog at 2nd Cup of Coffee and use the little "Mr. Linky" button at the end of her Random Dozen post -- that way you can link in your own blog and also read those of others. Kinda like a coffee klatch online!
- Catherine
Monday, November 23, 2009
It's Monday morning in the country
The title is a phrase used over and over again by one of our local radio morning DJs (just substitute the correct day of the week, of course). Funny, that it's all I could think of this morning, and I haven't listened to the radio yet today.
My weekend was a mixed bag of things. The to-do list was an Epic Fail. Not a single thing on the list got done.
On the other hand, I experimented with gluten-free Sausage and Apple stuffing and it was a big hit with the family! So, with my experiment a success, I shall be supplying the gluten-free stuffing at the Thanksgiving dinner my parents-in-law are hosting. I'll also make a gluten-free chocolate cake (using Bob's Red Mill cake mix). I hate to see my hubby and his sister go without the good stuff on Thanksgiving. And, actually, that stuffing is a big success even in its gluten-free form!
My husband was diagnosed with Celiac in December of 2007, so we have been nearly two years on the gluten-free diet in our house. He was so sick before his diagnosis that he thought he was dying. And, actually, he was -- of malnutrition. Celiac is an auto-immune disease that affects the intestinal tract to the point of rendering it impossible for the body to derive any nutrition from food. Tim ate, but his body didn't benefit because of the advanced stage of his auto-immune response. His 5'9" frame was down to 130 pounds and he was cinching his belt in to keep his size 32 jeans on. Within one week of going gluten-free, he felt good again. Within three weeks of going gluten-free, he began regaining weight and his skin color went from pasty gray to normal. He'll never be able to go back to eating wheat, barley or rye (or any products that include those grains or their derivatives), but he eats well at home, and, increasingly, out at some restaurants, too.
Hmmm... Celiac isn't what I'd intended for today's blog post. But there it is. By the way, if you suspect you or anyone you know may have this problem, there is a simple blood test that will show the indicators. The doctor will want a biopsy if the indicators are positive, but the initial test is an easy blood draw. Celiac isn't something you catch, either -- it comes down through DNA, especially through German and Irish extraction.
And please don't be afraid to prepare food for someone who has celiac. There are plenty of free resources available on the Internet that are helpful in explaining the situation and suggesting meals. Plain meat, potatoes and vegetables are always okay (it's what you dress them with that you have to watch). If you ask questions of someone in the know, you won't go wrong.
- Catherine
My weekend was a mixed bag of things. The to-do list was an Epic Fail. Not a single thing on the list got done.
On the other hand, I experimented with gluten-free Sausage and Apple stuffing and it was a big hit with the family! So, with my experiment a success, I shall be supplying the gluten-free stuffing at the Thanksgiving dinner my parents-in-law are hosting. I'll also make a gluten-free chocolate cake (using Bob's Red Mill cake mix). I hate to see my hubby and his sister go without the good stuff on Thanksgiving. And, actually, that stuffing is a big success even in its gluten-free form!
My husband was diagnosed with Celiac in December of 2007, so we have been nearly two years on the gluten-free diet in our house. He was so sick before his diagnosis that he thought he was dying. And, actually, he was -- of malnutrition. Celiac is an auto-immune disease that affects the intestinal tract to the point of rendering it impossible for the body to derive any nutrition from food. Tim ate, but his body didn't benefit because of the advanced stage of his auto-immune response. His 5'9" frame was down to 130 pounds and he was cinching his belt in to keep his size 32 jeans on. Within one week of going gluten-free, he felt good again. Within three weeks of going gluten-free, he began regaining weight and his skin color went from pasty gray to normal. He'll never be able to go back to eating wheat, barley or rye (or any products that include those grains or their derivatives), but he eats well at home, and, increasingly, out at some restaurants, too.
Hmmm... Celiac isn't what I'd intended for today's blog post. But there it is. By the way, if you suspect you or anyone you know may have this problem, there is a simple blood test that will show the indicators. The doctor will want a biopsy if the indicators are positive, but the initial test is an easy blood draw. Celiac isn't something you catch, either -- it comes down through DNA, especially through German and Irish extraction.
And please don't be afraid to prepare food for someone who has celiac. There are plenty of free resources available on the Internet that are helpful in explaining the situation and suggesting meals. Plain meat, potatoes and vegetables are always okay (it's what you dress them with that you have to watch). If you ask questions of someone in the know, you won't go wrong.
- Catherine
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Saturday to-do list
The Saturday to-do list is long, long, long. How did this happen? I'm not even sure where to start. Tim is outside raking the last of the leaves and I'm debating between cleaning out my closet or cleaning out my office. I'm afraid either one could take me all day, so whichever job I start, the other will probably remain for a future to-do list. Stay tuned to see which one wins...
Thankfully, tomorrow is the Sabbath and I intend to keep it that way -- i.e. restful. That means football and my two best guys - yeah!
- Catherine
Thankfully, tomorrow is the Sabbath and I intend to keep it that way -- i.e. restful. That means football and my two best guys - yeah!
- Catherine
Friday, November 20, 2009
Friday's Fave Five
This weekly meme is hosted by Susanne at Living To Tell the Story.
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Can't believe it is Friday already. I'm looking forward to next week, spending time with the family and eating, eating, eating. Oh, and football games, shopping trips, eating, and my sister-in-law's wedding!
In no particular order, these are five favorite things from the past week.
1. Getting to spend a whole evening with my dearest friend in all the world. Every time I see her, I am reminded of how much her friendship has meant to me for the past 25 years.
2. Snagging a free upgrade to fly First Class home from Newark to Salt Lake City. Once again, it ain't about the meal -- it's the acreage.
3. Coming home from a trip to the comfort of my husband's arms. He really is the best!
4. A new chicken recipe that yields gravy To Die For! Oh, and the bird was mighty tasty, too.
5. A phone call from my stepdaughter on a really blue day.
AND, bonus....
6. Being able to cook away my blues. I like to cook, and I've discovered that, on the bad days, it helps me to prepare a good meal. That's how we ended up with an amazing Lemon Chicken dinner last night, and I ended a blue day in a pretty good mood. I'm thankful for a good kitchen and a nearby grocery store.
I've been away for five weekends straight -- the longest ever, I think. I cannot wait to have a normal, family-style weekend, starting tonight!! Have a great weekend everyone!
- Catherine
Addendum for those who are intrigued by the Lemon Chicken recipe (which I got from my friend, Sara, and which uses the cooking method of my cousin, Karen, -- so it's a little bit of a hybrid, and I thank both of you!).
Ingredients:
1 whole chicken (the recipe calls for an Oven Stuffer Roaster type, but those are hard to come by in our town, so I used two plump fryers)
1-2 whole lemons (1 small-ish lemon for a plump fryer, probably two small-ish or one medium lemon for an Oven Stuffer Roaster)
Olive oil to brush on and in the chicken.
for the Rub:
1 T kosher salt
1 tsp black pepper
1 T garlic powder
for the giblet broth:
chicken neck, liver, yukky stuff, etc.
1 onion, chopped coarsely
about 10 sprigs of fresh parsley (or dried equivalent)
2 garlic cloves minced
sage and/or poultry seasoning (or what-have-you - bay leaf, maybe?) to taste
salt and pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 250 degrees (TWO fifty -- it's a slow oven).
Remove the giblets from the chickens and reserve to make a broth that you will add to your pan drippings for gravy. (If you hate working with the giblets, then you could use canned chicken broth for that part of the gravy-making and skip the whole giblet thing.)
Brush the chicken(s) with olive oil.
Wash the lemons (do not peel), and prick each one all over with a fork (probably 8-10 times).
Combine the ingredients for the rub.
Rub inside the oiled chicken and under the skin of the breast.
Insert the whole lemon(s) into the cavity of the chicken and tie the legs closed, tucking the wings underneath as well.
Roast UNcovered until done, 5-6 hours at 250 degrees (yep, that is a SLOW oven).
In the meantime, combine giblets and the other broth ingredients with enough water to cover.
Simmer the giblets for at least 3 hours or more.
When the chicken is done:
Remove the chicken(s) to a cutting board and tent with foil to rest while you make the gravy. Remove the lemons and discard.
Gravy:
Pour pan drippings into a gravy separator
Reserve enough fat to make a roux with flour (ratio is 1:1). I used 2 T of each.
Cook the roux for a minute, then add all of the de-fatted pan drippings.
As it thickens, you can add giblet broth as needed to get to the right consistency. (I didn't use all my giblet broth last night -- will use it when I make more gravy tonight from the chicken broth I made today and the fat that I reserved.)
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The lemon oozes/sprays juice all over the inside of the chicken while it's cooking. The meat is very juicy and the dark meat in particular has a just a slight hint of lemon to it. What's so wonderful about the gravy is that it has this very, very subtle lemon flavor to it -- very fresh -- but it's also very chicken-y. My husband and our guest couldn't get enough of it.
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Can't believe it is Friday already. I'm looking forward to next week, spending time with the family and eating, eating, eating. Oh, and football games, shopping trips, eating, and my sister-in-law's wedding!
In no particular order, these are five favorite things from the past week.
1. Getting to spend a whole evening with my dearest friend in all the world. Every time I see her, I am reminded of how much her friendship has meant to me for the past 25 years.
2. Snagging a free upgrade to fly First Class home from Newark to Salt Lake City. Once again, it ain't about the meal -- it's the acreage.
3. Coming home from a trip to the comfort of my husband's arms. He really is the best!
4. A new chicken recipe that yields gravy To Die For! Oh, and the bird was mighty tasty, too.
5. A phone call from my stepdaughter on a really blue day.
AND, bonus....
6. Being able to cook away my blues. I like to cook, and I've discovered that, on the bad days, it helps me to prepare a good meal. That's how we ended up with an amazing Lemon Chicken dinner last night, and I ended a blue day in a pretty good mood. I'm thankful for a good kitchen and a nearby grocery store.
I've been away for five weekends straight -- the longest ever, I think. I cannot wait to have a normal, family-style weekend, starting tonight!! Have a great weekend everyone!
- Catherine
Addendum for those who are intrigued by the Lemon Chicken recipe (which I got from my friend, Sara, and which uses the cooking method of my cousin, Karen, -- so it's a little bit of a hybrid, and I thank both of you!).
Ingredients:
1 whole chicken (the recipe calls for an Oven Stuffer Roaster type, but those are hard to come by in our town, so I used two plump fryers)
1-2 whole lemons (1 small-ish lemon for a plump fryer, probably two small-ish or one medium lemon for an Oven Stuffer Roaster)
Olive oil to brush on and in the chicken.
for the Rub:
1 T kosher salt
1 tsp black pepper
1 T garlic powder
for the giblet broth:
chicken neck, liver, yukky stuff, etc.
1 onion, chopped coarsely
about 10 sprigs of fresh parsley (or dried equivalent)
2 garlic cloves minced
sage and/or poultry seasoning (or what-have-you - bay leaf, maybe?) to taste
salt and pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 250 degrees (TWO fifty -- it's a slow oven).
Remove the giblets from the chickens and reserve to make a broth that you will add to your pan drippings for gravy. (If you hate working with the giblets, then you could use canned chicken broth for that part of the gravy-making and skip the whole giblet thing.)
Brush the chicken(s) with olive oil.
Wash the lemons (do not peel), and prick each one all over with a fork (probably 8-10 times).
Combine the ingredients for the rub.
Rub inside the oiled chicken and under the skin of the breast.
Insert the whole lemon(s) into the cavity of the chicken and tie the legs closed, tucking the wings underneath as well.
Roast UNcovered until done, 5-6 hours at 250 degrees (yep, that is a SLOW oven).
In the meantime, combine giblets and the other broth ingredients with enough water to cover.
Simmer the giblets for at least 3 hours or more.
When the chicken is done:
Remove the chicken(s) to a cutting board and tent with foil to rest while you make the gravy. Remove the lemons and discard.
Gravy:
Pour pan drippings into a gravy separator
Reserve enough fat to make a roux with flour (ratio is 1:1). I used 2 T of each.
Cook the roux for a minute, then add all of the de-fatted pan drippings.
As it thickens, you can add giblet broth as needed to get to the right consistency. (I didn't use all my giblet broth last night -- will use it when I make more gravy tonight from the chicken broth I made today and the fat that I reserved.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lemon oozes/sprays juice all over the inside of the chicken while it's cooking. The meat is very juicy and the dark meat in particular has a just a slight hint of lemon to it. What's so wonderful about the gravy is that it has this very, very subtle lemon flavor to it -- very fresh -- but it's also very chicken-y. My husband and our guest couldn't get enough of it.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Odd shades of grief
Woke up sad and can't seem to get out of my own way this morning. I have no patience with this process. I've got stuff to do - work, home, family (not necessarily in that order).
I don't have time to sit here crying over last night's dream that my mother and I were on one of our fun trips together (we loved traveling together). I don't have time to weep over the ending of the dream, when I realized that she was going to have go home and die again. Again? Yes - in the dream I knew that I was on borrowed time with her. The added grief at the end (after our lovely trip) was that I'd been at her home with her for her "first" death, and now, because we'd been traveling, I didn't have enough vacation time to go back to her home with her again, for the event that we surely knew was coming.
I woke up sobbing and I've been sitting at my computer ever since, with a short foray to the kitchen to get the oatmeal going for breakfast. Because there is still life to be lived here.
Oh my gosh, how I hate this.
- Catherine
I don't have time to sit here crying over last night's dream that my mother and I were on one of our fun trips together (we loved traveling together). I don't have time to weep over the ending of the dream, when I realized that she was going to have go home and die again. Again? Yes - in the dream I knew that I was on borrowed time with her. The added grief at the end (after our lovely trip) was that I'd been at her home with her for her "first" death, and now, because we'd been traveling, I didn't have enough vacation time to go back to her home with her again, for the event that we surely knew was coming.
I woke up sobbing and I've been sitting at my computer ever since, with a short foray to the kitchen to get the oatmeal going for breakfast. Because there is still life to be lived here.
Oh my gosh, how I hate this.
- Catherine
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Random Dozen -- the Wednesday meme
Here are this week's questions in the Random Dozen, thanks to Lid over at 2nd cup of coffee. If you want to play along, copy the questions to your blog, answer them, then go to 2nd Cup of Coffee and use the Mr. Linky thing at the end of the Random Dozen post -- you can link in your blog with everyone else's blog and also use that feature to read the answers of others (which is quite fun).
1. If you could master one sport, what would it be?
Horseback riding. I am the world’s worst rider, but I truly love my horses.
2. When you make a major purchase, do you go with your gut instinct, or do you do research to make an informed decision?
Research first (love the Internet!). Then, if I still have trouble deciding, my gut.
3. There is an old kids' game that says you can find out what your movie star name would be by using your middle name as your first name and the name of the street you grew up on as your last. What is your movie star name?
Elizabeth State Highway. Not very glamorous or cool, I'm afraid. (Actually, it should be Elizabeth State Highway 35. But that is just weird.)
4. Would you rather give up your favorite music or your favorite food?
Hmmm….. depends on what mood I’m in. But probably, I’d be less likely to want to give up my favorite food (I always have music playing in my brain anyway -- can't shut it off).
5. There are two types of banana preferences. One is pristine yellow, almost to the point of being green; the other is spotty and more ripe. Which is your preference?
Neither. Raw bananas (at any stage) give me a hellish stomach ache, so I don’t ever eat them.
6. Your favorite tree is?
Red maple (for the fall foliage, of course).
7. On a scale of 1-10, how tech savvy are you?
A 7, I think. I can’t do much with network administration, but I can work through quite a few problems on my computer, I can edit and upload photographs and documents, and I can use a webcam and VoIP software (how about that for tech savvy!).
8. Has H1N1 touched your family?
Both husband and youngest son had it at the same time in October. I have escaped thus far.
9. Are you an analytical person, or do you just accept things the way they are without questioning or scrutinizing?
Depends on the issue. Some things are too overwhelming to try to analyze, so I don’t even bother. But, overall, I suppose my tendency would be to think it through if I can.
10. Is your personality more like that of a dog, cat, or Koala?
I have the loyalty of a dog but (sometimes) the aloofness of a cat, so that’s another toss up among my answers today. (Koalas, from what I understand, are not as cuddly as they look and can be quite ferocious if cornered in the wild -- I really do like to think I'm not that.)
11. Do you keep in touch with friends you made years ago?
Absolutely! There is one friend with whom I’ve never lost touch – we graduated to email when it became readily available to both of us in the late 90s. I stay in touch with other old friends (whom I’ve recently found again) through Facebook.
12. You are checking out at a grocery store. In the express lane, there are more people than the regular lanes, but of course, their load is less than those in the regular lanes. Which lane do you choose (assuming you qualify for the express lane) and why?
I’d choose the scan-it-yourself ("u-scan") lanes, of which my local grocery stores have at least four in each store. Those lanes tend to move pretty quickly, even when the store is crowded. But if “u-scan” isn’t an option, then I’d choose the conventional Express lane because the line does keep moving with the smaller orders. It drives me a wee bit crazy, when I’ve got a small order, to stand for a long time behind someone who has a week’s worth of their family’s groceries on the belt. At least you have the illusion of fairly speedy progress in the Express lanes, even if your actual time in line isn’t cut down.
- Catherine
1. If you could master one sport, what would it be?
Horseback riding. I am the world’s worst rider, but I truly love my horses.
2. When you make a major purchase, do you go with your gut instinct, or do you do research to make an informed decision?
Research first (love the Internet!). Then, if I still have trouble deciding, my gut.
3. There is an old kids' game that says you can find out what your movie star name would be by using your middle name as your first name and the name of the street you grew up on as your last. What is your movie star name?
Elizabeth State Highway. Not very glamorous or cool, I'm afraid. (Actually, it should be Elizabeth State Highway 35. But that is just weird.)
4. Would you rather give up your favorite music or your favorite food?
Hmmm….. depends on what mood I’m in. But probably, I’d be less likely to want to give up my favorite food (I always have music playing in my brain anyway -- can't shut it off).
5. There are two types of banana preferences. One is pristine yellow, almost to the point of being green; the other is spotty and more ripe. Which is your preference?
Neither. Raw bananas (at any stage) give me a hellish stomach ache, so I don’t ever eat them.
6. Your favorite tree is?
Red maple (for the fall foliage, of course).
7. On a scale of 1-10, how tech savvy are you?
A 7, I think. I can’t do much with network administration, but I can work through quite a few problems on my computer, I can edit and upload photographs and documents, and I can use a webcam and VoIP software (how about that for tech savvy!).
8. Has H1N1 touched your family?
Both husband and youngest son had it at the same time in October. I have escaped thus far.
9. Are you an analytical person, or do you just accept things the way they are without questioning or scrutinizing?
Depends on the issue. Some things are too overwhelming to try to analyze, so I don’t even bother. But, overall, I suppose my tendency would be to think it through if I can.
10. Is your personality more like that of a dog, cat, or Koala?
I have the loyalty of a dog but (sometimes) the aloofness of a cat, so that’s another toss up among my answers today. (Koalas, from what I understand, are not as cuddly as they look and can be quite ferocious if cornered in the wild -- I really do like to think I'm not that.)
11. Do you keep in touch with friends you made years ago?
Absolutely! There is one friend with whom I’ve never lost touch – we graduated to email when it became readily available to both of us in the late 90s. I stay in touch with other old friends (whom I’ve recently found again) through Facebook.
12. You are checking out at a grocery store. In the express lane, there are more people than the regular lanes, but of course, their load is less than those in the regular lanes. Which lane do you choose (assuming you qualify for the express lane) and why?
I’d choose the scan-it-yourself ("u-scan") lanes, of which my local grocery stores have at least four in each store. Those lanes tend to move pretty quickly, even when the store is crowded. But if “u-scan” isn’t an option, then I’d choose the conventional Express lane because the line does keep moving with the smaller orders. It drives me a wee bit crazy, when I’ve got a small order, to stand for a long time behind someone who has a week’s worth of their family’s groceries on the belt. At least you have the illusion of fairly speedy progress in the Express lanes, even if your actual time in line isn’t cut down.
- Catherine
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Stages of Grief
Dear God,
I’ve read before that there are stages of grief – some say three, some say five, some say seven – whatever, it’s all the same concept: Grief is complicated and is (often) a lengthy period of working through a wide range of emotions, making progress and then backtracking, making progress and backtracking.
I’m tired of the grieving process already. I am not sleeping well (which You already know, since I’ve been talking to You about it). I wake up in the middle of the night feeling just flat out sad. Not even specifically thinking about my mother – just overwhelmingly sad. Days are better because I have things to keep me busy, despite the sadness.
The experts say that the grief one feels after a loved one dies shouldn’t be put off, shouldn’t be swept under the carpet or denied. You must expeeeer-ience (Nora Desmond drama here) the grief to move beyond it.
With all due respect to the experts, this is an expeeeer-ience I could live without.
I. Don’t. Have. Time.
It used to be that there were specific things one did socially that helped to mark the grieving process: wear black clothing and/or a widow’s cap, refrain from going out in public for a set period of time, wear a black armband, etc. I’m beginning to see some wisdom in those artificial constructs, because they seem, in my opinion, to help the subconscious mind benchmark the process as it unfolds, and provide a glimmer of hope in that life will return to normal at a specific point in time – normal clothing, normal social interaction, etc.
I have a busy career that demands all of my faculties be in working order. I have a husband and son who need me to be in the game at home. I have grown kids who, in varying ways, need me as a fully-functioning member of the family, too. And I have the sinking feeling that I am just in the beginning of this grief thing, with no mile markers to guide me on the trip.
Frankly, there isn’t time for grief, and it scares me and frustrates me to think that I’m going to have to make time, whether I want to or not. Absent the man-made markers that we used to observe, what is this going to look like as it plays out in my life? Brain fog? Uncontrollable weeping? Lack of interest in life? Wishing for death? All of the above? It’d be easier to wear black clothing for three months, a black armband for another three, and then call it good, thank you.
I’m a little bit like my mother in that I want to plan it all out so I know what to expect and when. What is this going to be like – I want to know. Now. And I want it to be over. Now. I’m looking forward to the day when, as Roberta Temes states in her book, Living with an Empty Chair, “Life is no longer one frantic anxiety attack.”
Temes separates the grief stages into behaviors:
Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)
Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)
Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)
My Father, as You already know, right now I’m into Disorganization -- with the occasional retreat to Numbness. Here’s to Reorganization coming soon, yes?
And maybe I’ll go find myself a black armband, too.
Love,
Catherine
I’ve read before that there are stages of grief – some say three, some say five, some say seven – whatever, it’s all the same concept: Grief is complicated and is (often) a lengthy period of working through a wide range of emotions, making progress and then backtracking, making progress and backtracking.
I’m tired of the grieving process already. I am not sleeping well (which You already know, since I’ve been talking to You about it). I wake up in the middle of the night feeling just flat out sad. Not even specifically thinking about my mother – just overwhelmingly sad. Days are better because I have things to keep me busy, despite the sadness.
The experts say that the grief one feels after a loved one dies shouldn’t be put off, shouldn’t be swept under the carpet or denied. You must expeeeer-ience (Nora Desmond drama here) the grief to move beyond it.
With all due respect to the experts, this is an expeeeer-ience I could live without.
I. Don’t. Have. Time.
It used to be that there were specific things one did socially that helped to mark the grieving process: wear black clothing and/or a widow’s cap, refrain from going out in public for a set period of time, wear a black armband, etc. I’m beginning to see some wisdom in those artificial constructs, because they seem, in my opinion, to help the subconscious mind benchmark the process as it unfolds, and provide a glimmer of hope in that life will return to normal at a specific point in time – normal clothing, normal social interaction, etc.
I have a busy career that demands all of my faculties be in working order. I have a husband and son who need me to be in the game at home. I have grown kids who, in varying ways, need me as a fully-functioning member of the family, too. And I have the sinking feeling that I am just in the beginning of this grief thing, with no mile markers to guide me on the trip.
Frankly, there isn’t time for grief, and it scares me and frustrates me to think that I’m going to have to make time, whether I want to or not. Absent the man-made markers that we used to observe, what is this going to look like as it plays out in my life? Brain fog? Uncontrollable weeping? Lack of interest in life? Wishing for death? All of the above? It’d be easier to wear black clothing for three months, a black armband for another three, and then call it good, thank you.
I’m a little bit like my mother in that I want to plan it all out so I know what to expect and when. What is this going to be like – I want to know. Now. And I want it to be over. Now. I’m looking forward to the day when, as Roberta Temes states in her book, Living with an Empty Chair, “Life is no longer one frantic anxiety attack.”
Temes separates the grief stages into behaviors:
Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)
Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)
Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)
My Father, as You already know, right now I’m into Disorganization -- with the occasional retreat to Numbness. Here’s to Reorganization coming soon, yes?
And maybe I’ll go find myself a black armband, too.
Love,
Catherine
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Saturday meeting
I have a whole day meeting today.
And so I must not blog.... I must not blog..... I must not blog....
- Catherine
And so I must not blog.... I must not blog..... I must not blog....
- Catherine
Friday, November 13, 2009
Friday's Fave Five
It is Friday the 13th, it's so windy I think the roof might come off this hotel, and I am in New Jersey -- my home state and a land of people who use their cars as instruments of rage and frustration. I think if you can successfully get on and off the NJ Turnpike in North Jersey at rush hour, you should get a medal for bravery and sheer nerve.
Oh, but this is supposed to be a Fave Five, isn't it.....
Happy stuff.
Yeeeeeeees......
Well, in no particular order, here we go:
1. The prospect of seeing old friends while I'm here.
2. The fact that I got upgraded to First Class for the flight from Salt Lake City to Newark yesterday. It's not even about getting a real meal -- it's about the seat room and leg room. Ahhhhhhh.....
3. A cup of good, strong tea on a windy, stormy morning.
4. The remarkable progress toward recovery that my friend, Kelly, is showing -- the doctors were able to drain the tumor on her liver, and the liver is starting to show signs of life. She still needs a transplant, but this is miraculous, folks! She can actually go home for a while, they think.
5. The laughs I've had this week -- I so need them! (Today's laugh: If you're on Facebook, check this out: scroll to the bottom of the page and click on the link that says English on the lefthand side. In the resulting window, choose "English Pirate" as your language. Too funny!)
Happy weekend, everyone!
- Catherine
Oh, but this is supposed to be a Fave Five, isn't it.....
Happy stuff.
Yeeeeeeees......
Well, in no particular order, here we go:
1. The prospect of seeing old friends while I'm here.
2. The fact that I got upgraded to First Class for the flight from Salt Lake City to Newark yesterday. It's not even about getting a real meal -- it's about the seat room and leg room. Ahhhhhhh.....
3. A cup of good, strong tea on a windy, stormy morning.
4. The remarkable progress toward recovery that my friend, Kelly, is showing -- the doctors were able to drain the tumor on her liver, and the liver is starting to show signs of life. She still needs a transplant, but this is miraculous, folks! She can actually go home for a while, they think.
5. The laughs I've had this week -- I so need them! (Today's laugh: If you're on Facebook, check this out: scroll to the bottom of the page and click on the link that says English on the lefthand side. In the resulting window, choose "English Pirate" as your language. Too funny!)
Happy weekend, everyone!
- Catherine
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Mouga Schouch
One blogger, in a comment yesterday, said that family history research is like putting together the pieces of a puzzle. She’s right -- and that combination of puzzle and family history is what makes it so intriguing to me. The thrill of the hunt – and what you turn up are your very own ancestors!
My great-great-great grandmother was Mary Ann Schanck, nee Hall. She was married to Jacob Schuyler Schanck, a farmer in Monmouth County, New Jersey. In trying to trace their son, William Gordon Schanck – my great-great grandfather – I must, of necessity, trace Mary Ann and Jacob as well. A specific thorn in my side is that I’ve had no luck locating William in the 1860 U.S. Census, so I pushed back further to look for Jacob and Mary Ann in that same census – for perhaps William, then unmarried, was still living at home in 1860. Alas, I could not find Jacob and Mary Ann through an Ancestry.com search, either.
I knew they had to be there because another record had told me so – but that record came from a compiled index, so you can't view the original entries. I was going to have to access the actual 1860 census schedule in order to see the names of everyone living in the household. So I went back to my old sleuthing techniques, pulling up – through Ancestry.com -- the entire census schedule for Freehold, New Jersey, in 1860. 98 pages long. That’s a lot of people to read through (and they aren’t alphabetized – the census was written down house by house).
But I was equal to the task.
Lo and behold, I only had to go a mere 16 pages in, and there they were, plain as day on line 27: Jacob S. Schanck and his household. No William, although the other sons, Nelson and Schuyler, were still there. Ah well. I did notice that Mary Ann’s name was rather badly handwritten, but that didn’t explain why Jacob’s household didn’t come up in a regular search of Ancestry’s database for the 1860 census.
What you must realize is that Ancestry.com, bless their little hearts, has transcribed EVERY individual entry of EVERY census into their own database, and then cross linked each and every entry to an image of the original census schedule (all of which are handwritten). So, when you search in Ancestry on the name of someone specific, you are actually searching Ancestry’s own database. Once you have located the entry, you can click on a link that will show you the image of the original census schedule page. I can promise you that this was a time-consuming process for the LDS volunteers and staffers who do this on behalf of their church. They’ve had to transcribe millions and millions and millions of handwritten entries from hundreds of years of records from all over the civilized world.
So, I guess they can be forgiven for turning “Schanck” into “Schouch.”
You see, now that I had the original census schedule, I still wanted to know why the entry wasn’t coming through the Ancestry database. I finally searched on Jacob's son’s first name of Nelson (which was clearly written), using no last name, specifically in that town in 1860. The search yielded two Nelsons.
One of which was Nelson..... Schouch.
Huh?
Schouch is not even close as a "spelled like" or "sounds like" kind of thing (which Ancestry does provide when you do a search). Thus, Jacob had never appeared, even in the broadest of searches on his last name.
And so we come to the title of today's blog entry. Guess who got transcribed as “Mouga Schouch?” That’s right. My great-great-great grandmother, Mary Ann. Really, an educated guess at the original handwriting would arguably have yielded “Mary A.” And a guess by someone inexperienced might have yielded a literal “Mosf A.” at worst. But “Mouga?”
Mouga Schouch.
I laughed until I cried.
- Catherine. (Great-great-great granddaughter of Jacob and Mouga Schouch.)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Random Dozen -- the Wednesday meme
Thanks to Lid at 2nd cup of Coffee, this week's questions:
1. What was the last song you listened to?
Go, Tell It On the Mountain (as sung by Steven Curtis Chapman). It is time for Christmas music!
2. Have you ever had “buyer’s remorse” over anything?
Yes, with our electric stove. If I could have waited another 3 weeks, the gas line would have been in and I could have purchased a gas stove. But I’d been so long without a stove that I couldn’t wait any longer (we were in the midst of redoing the kitchen at the time). And our plan was to stay in the house only one more year after the kitchen re-do -- which plan, of course, has gone by the wayside since the housing market slumped. Sigh. Should have waited for the gas line to be finished.
3. What is something in your life that you are thankful for now that you didn’t think you would be at the time of the event? (Something that seemed ill-timed, inconvenient or hurtful which turned out to be a good thing)
I’ll have to pass on answering this one. The only incident I can recall right now is too personal to our family to relate on my blog.
4. Do you watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade every year? If so, do you have a favorite float or balloon?
I haven’t watched the parade in probably 25 years.
5. Share a quote, scripture, poem or lyric which has been an inspiration to you lately.
I'll convert their weeping into laughter, lavishing comfort, invading their grief with joy. Jeremiah 31:13 (The Message)
6. This is meant to be a fun question, and this is a G-rated blog, but please share a “guilty pleasure,” something that you enjoy that’s probably not the most edifying, time-worthy or healthy thing you could be indulging in. Did I mention--G rating?
Chocolate. Very pedestrian, but it really is my guilty pleasure -- because if I don't feel like sharing my chocolate, I eat it where no one can see me. So there.
7. What Thanksgiving food are you looking forward to?
Stuffing and cranberry sauce. That’s two, I know – but you HAVE to have them together. Especially combined with a little turkey and gravy on a dinner roll. YUM.
8. What is your favorite book to read to children, or what was your favorite childhood book?
One of my favorite books to read to children is Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. One of my favorite childhood books was Little Women.
9. Do you collect anything? (Feel free to post a photo.)
Dust bunnies under the furniture. Does that count? Actually, the dust bunnies collect themselves. So, really, I don’t collect anything at all. Not even dust bunnies. (I suddenly feel better about that.)
10. Gift bags or wrapping paper?
Gift bags. What a wonderful invention! I can’t wrap a gift decently for anything – there are always lumps and bumps in the finished product. Gift bags make my gifts look gooooood.
11. Share an after-school memory from when you were younger. What was your routine like on an average day?
From my high school years: (IF I didn’t have an extra-curricular activity that kept me late at school) Get off the bus, walk back to the house, check the note that my mother would have left on the kitchen table re. starting dinner preparations for her. Next, follow the instructions and start dinner (or suffer the consequences). After that – homework in my bedroom.
12. True story: Once, in a job interview, I was asked this question and told there would be no clarifying; I simply had to answer the question: “When you’re fishing, do you feel for the fish?” So what about you? When you're fishing, do you feel for the fish??
The short answer, with no clarification is: no.
That said, this is my blog and I get to clarify if I want to. So, I assumed that “feel for the fish” means “feel bad because I am ending their short little lives by hauling them out of their home.” The answer: If we are talking literal fish – no, I don’t feel for fish; if we are being metaphorical and talking about human beings, then yes, I do feel for them.
- Catherine
Addendum: check out today's blog entry from my cousin, Karen. We have seen each other only once in the last 25 years, we don't confer on answers beforehand, yet our Random Dozen blogs nearly always contain a few identical answers. Uncanny!
1. What was the last song you listened to?
Go, Tell It On the Mountain (as sung by Steven Curtis Chapman). It is time for Christmas music!
2. Have you ever had “buyer’s remorse” over anything?
Yes, with our electric stove. If I could have waited another 3 weeks, the gas line would have been in and I could have purchased a gas stove. But I’d been so long without a stove that I couldn’t wait any longer (we were in the midst of redoing the kitchen at the time). And our plan was to stay in the house only one more year after the kitchen re-do -- which plan, of course, has gone by the wayside since the housing market slumped. Sigh. Should have waited for the gas line to be finished.
3. What is something in your life that you are thankful for now that you didn’t think you would be at the time of the event? (Something that seemed ill-timed, inconvenient or hurtful which turned out to be a good thing)
I’ll have to pass on answering this one. The only incident I can recall right now is too personal to our family to relate on my blog.
4. Do you watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade every year? If so, do you have a favorite float or balloon?
I haven’t watched the parade in probably 25 years.
5. Share a quote, scripture, poem or lyric which has been an inspiration to you lately.
I'll convert their weeping into laughter, lavishing comfort, invading their grief with joy. Jeremiah 31:13 (The Message)
6. This is meant to be a fun question, and this is a G-rated blog, but please share a “guilty pleasure,” something that you enjoy that’s probably not the most edifying, time-worthy or healthy thing you could be indulging in. Did I mention--G rating?
Chocolate. Very pedestrian, but it really is my guilty pleasure -- because if I don't feel like sharing my chocolate, I eat it where no one can see me. So there.
7. What Thanksgiving food are you looking forward to?
Stuffing and cranberry sauce. That’s two, I know – but you HAVE to have them together. Especially combined with a little turkey and gravy on a dinner roll. YUM.
8. What is your favorite book to read to children, or what was your favorite childhood book?
One of my favorite books to read to children is Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. One of my favorite childhood books was Little Women.
9. Do you collect anything? (Feel free to post a photo.)
Dust bunnies under the furniture. Does that count? Actually, the dust bunnies collect themselves. So, really, I don’t collect anything at all. Not even dust bunnies. (I suddenly feel better about that.)
10. Gift bags or wrapping paper?
Gift bags. What a wonderful invention! I can’t wrap a gift decently for anything – there are always lumps and bumps in the finished product. Gift bags make my gifts look gooooood.
11. Share an after-school memory from when you were younger. What was your routine like on an average day?
From my high school years: (IF I didn’t have an extra-curricular activity that kept me late at school) Get off the bus, walk back to the house, check the note that my mother would have left on the kitchen table re. starting dinner preparations for her. Next, follow the instructions and start dinner (or suffer the consequences). After that – homework in my bedroom.
12. True story: Once, in a job interview, I was asked this question and told there would be no clarifying; I simply had to answer the question: “When you’re fishing, do you feel for the fish?” So what about you? When you're fishing, do you feel for the fish??
The short answer, with no clarification is: no.
That said, this is my blog and I get to clarify if I want to. So, I assumed that “feel for the fish” means “feel bad because I am ending their short little lives by hauling them out of their home.” The answer: If we are talking literal fish – no, I don’t feel for fish; if we are being metaphorical and talking about human beings, then yes, I do feel for them.
- Catherine
Addendum: check out today's blog entry from my cousin, Karen. We have seen each other only once in the last 25 years, we don't confer on answers beforehand, yet our Random Dozen blogs nearly always contain a few identical answers. Uncanny!
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