Just stuff that I'm thinking about (about which I am thinking)

Tomorrow is the random dozen. Today is just a random list, and probably not very interesting. But here it is anyway:

1. My sister-in-law is getting married on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Ten years as a widow and single mother -- she deserves this terrific guy that God has brought into her life, believe me. Tim's sisters are coming home from Florida and the Thanksgiving weekend looks to be one family celebration after another this year. And I've got a song to sing! Specifically, I'll be singing "Cherish the Treasure" (originally recorded by Steve Green). This is one song I'd never heard before, not being a fan of the genre of "wedding music" -- but the lyrics are good and my sister-in-law requested it for her big day because it expresses her heart. And I aim to please, so I'm working hard to make this song into something she will remember (in a good way, of course).

2. A dear friend was life-flighted down to Salt Lake City yesterday from her home in Wyoming. Her liver and kidneys have shut down from what may possibly be a bout of meningitis. We don't know what the outcome will be -- her condition is very critical at this time. If you are so inclined, please pray for Kelly.

3. I'm fighting some depression that I assume is a normal part of the grief process. I miss my mother so very much. A friend of mine described his father's death as "the horizon tilting," in that you not only miss the person, but you are also missing a reference point that has always been in your life. That's pretty much how it feels -- the horizon has tilted.

4. Despite #3, this is my favorite time of year -- from now until January. I love the holiday preparations and planning, and I love the weather as it slowly grows colder. I especially love the luminous quality of the late autumn sunlight.

That's it for today -- a rather boring list, I'm afraid. Thanks for stopping by.

- Catherine

Monday morning reality

We are back from our trip and it's time to get back to reality here. My inbox is overflowing and I have two major meetings coming up at the end of this week. I almost don't know where to start.

Tim will be home today and I might be able to get him to run the vacuum (which did not get done while I was away) and/or clean a bathroom or two (which also did not get done while I was away).

Granted, Tim worked every day on the outside of the house while I was away -- he was painting both the siding and the trim, and I know that's a big job. BUT, the floors are crunchy underfoot. Crunchy. Crun-chy.

At lunchtime I will knock off work for an hour and get the floors under control again.

- Catherine

Home again

We arrived home around 3:00 this afternoon after getting an early start out of Laramie, Wyoming. The drive was uneventful, and we had a beautiful day for seeing this gorgeous country that we live in.

I'm so glad to be home.

And I have so much unpacking to do that I don't know where to start.

And there is a football game on TV.

So, I will sign off here and see which wins: unpacking or the football game.

- Catherine

Friday Fave Five

1. My husband, who is a tower of strength when I am crumbling.

2. My stepfather's niece and her husband, who opened their home to me and also were towers of strength.

3. The beautiful Central Mountain region of Pennsylvania.

4. My family and friends (including fellow bloggers!) who cheered and prayed me through this marathon of my mother's final illness and passing.

5. The chance to do just a wee bit of sightseeing on our way back home across the country.

And, bonus -- but by no means last on my list:

6. God's amazing, amazing Grace -- the gift of eternal life.

Love and hugs to all,
Catherine

Prayer works!

My stepfather apologized both to his niece and to me today at my mother's funeral. This is a miracle, plain and simple.

Thank you, all, for your prayers -- I believe they got us through what has been a very, very difficult situation. My stepfather found my mother's Bible by her chair yesterday and began to read it. He told us that he found her handwritten margin notes interesting. He is, at this time, still an unbeliever. But we're planning to pray him into the Kingdom.

The funeral is over, my mother's body has been buried, and Tim and I will be on our way home tomorrow morning (driving -- and I'm so glad he's with me!). I've got a car full of heirloom china, a boatload of church music, and, residing on my right hand ring finger, my great-grandmother's cherished wedding band.

I may never see this town again, but I will, for sure, see my mother again when we are all at the feast.

- Catherine

PS: I'll be back with the "Random Dozen" meme next Wednesday -- I just couldn't get to it today.

In Memoriam

My mother, Luella Ohl, passed away peacefully at 8:45 p.m. yesterday (it is Monday morning as I write this). Her passing was so incredibly gentle and quiet that I can't do much more than rejoice that the long battle is over and she is truly well and whole at last. She is home with her Lord, now engaged in the endless dance with her beloved Savior.

"Well done, thou good and faithful servant..."

- Catherine

In the twilight

In the twilight, I watch my mother sleeping. She’s been in and out of it all day, barely awake enough to eat a few bites for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The hospital bed that was delivered to the house today has made her more comfortable, but it seems to me that she is sinking fast. Her vital signs are still good, but she is so weak that she can hardly take, even with strong assistance, the three baby steps needed to get to the bedside commode. Her mind is wandering a bit. Twice in the last hour she has asked to do things that are part of her morning routine and has been surprised when I’ve told her that it is evening. “It is?” she asks wonderingly – but her eyes are not open and she is clearly not quite here. Once she called out my name, but when I asked what she needed, she muttered that she didn’t know.

She crashed so quickly. A mere two days ago she was still doing some of her housework, still planning and preparing some meals, still using the toilet in the bathroom, still spending the night by herself in her bedroom. I think she will not be long in this world and I fight the choking sensation that I get when I think of life on this earth without her. Tonight, for the first time, there is the smell of decay and death in the room.

My brother is driving out again on Sunday, but, in truth, I’m not sure she will still be with us.

She may rally. My brother actually believes that, or at least so he keeps telling himself… and me. I suppose it’s possible that Mom may come back a bit, but I think my brother is in denial. Maybe that’s because I am here with her, watching the struggle, seeing the decline as it gathers speed with every passing minute.

I miss my husband so much. I miss my kids and my dog. I miss my home.

There is a part of me crying out in grief for the loss. I keep that part quiet during the day because she needs me to be strong. But she can't hear me in the middle of the night, and that's when the grief is probably most acute anyway.

It feels good to be needed -- Mom had always been so very independent -- and I wouldn’t have missed this precious time of ministering to her needs for anything.

A Bad Day

Thursday: I arrived at 12:10 today – I wish I could have gotten here sooner but I had things to go over with my assistant, and it just wasn’t possible to get away from my work any earlier. At 12:10 my mother was already lying down on top of the bed and she was miserable. Feeling cold (despite the 80 degree heat in the house) and feeling sick. When I went in to say hello, she began to cry. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to eat anything all day, and she knows that loss of appetite is a strong indication that the body is in decline. I think she was momentarily scared – mostly because she felt so very, very unwell.”Don’t leave me,” she cried.

I hugged her frail frame for a moment, pressed my cheek against hers, reassuring her that I am here to stay. I reminded her that we are not bodies that have souls, we are souls that have bodies. The transition, when it happens, will be easy, I said, although the journey to that point is physically uncomfortable.

She calmed down and we talked about the turkey breast that needed to be put in the oven for dinner. Once that was accomplished, I helped her pull on her nightgown, cranked up the heated mattress pad, and tucked her between the sheets. Snuggled in, she thought she could eat an omelet, and would I make her one? I don’t think there is anything special about my omelets, but she always has liked them a lot. I hastened to prepare the food, and then I fed her forkful by forkful while she rested in her bed, too weak to sit up. She ate most of it and drank some water, too.

She feels like she’s making me into a maid. I keep telling her that I am happy to be doing all of this and that she is not to worry about anything. I mention that she’d have done the same for her own mother. She is silent.

Later I remember that her mother (who died when my mother was 24 years old) had been ill with heart disease for many years before her death in 1954, and that my mother had had to take over the housekeeping AND look after her mother AND go to college at the same time. All that with no help from her sister, who also lived at home but who refused to do anything but please herself. I suspect that, in her early 20s, my mother had found that burden too much and had resented her mother. She didn’t hesitate to move away from home within a few months of college graduation, leaving the household and the family to get along without her.

Maybe the “chickens have come home to roost” here and she is feeling bad about her feelings at the time, afraid that I resent her as she resented her own family? Pure speculation on my part, but seems likely.

I would like to ask her, but I don’t think I can. She’s got enough on her plate. In the meantime, I reassure her and reassure her and reassure her – I am happy to be here. Even on the bad days.


Friday – bad night for Mom. The worst pain yet, and we had to give her a dose of morphine. She also had a fever of 102.7. This morning seems better – she still doesn’t have any pain as I write this, and her temperature has returned to normal. They are delivering a hospital bed today. When she finally agreed to the hospital bed, she asked me, "Does this mean I have to be bedridden?" "Not if you don't want to be, Mom," I replied. This morning, so far, she's shone no inclination to get out of bed. But her legs feel better today than yesterday, so she might get up yet.

And so it goes.

Let me say, again, how very much your comments and prayers mean to us in this situation. Mom was touched when I told her that people all over this country are praying for her. It means the world to me, that's for sure.

- Catherine

Mixed Bag

It’s 4:20 a.m. and sleeping is just not an option, I guess. I went off to sleep well enough at 10:00 or so, but I got awake around 3:30 and that seems to be it for the night.

Partly it’s the weather, I think – warm and rainy and so humid that it’s hard to breathe sometimes. This is weather that I do not have to deal with in my new hometown out West, and this is weather that I have not missed since I moved away from the East Coast seven years ago. Ugh.

Yesterday was a mixed bag. I arrived at Mom’s around 11:30 a.m. to find her feeling pretty awful – weak, mostly, but she’d also had a good deal of pain in the morning and had taken a painkiller. The Hospice nurse arrived shortly after I did and she had a long talk with Mom about the various painkillers that are available if/when her present painkiller isn’t enough. She also persuaded Mom to order the oxygen generator so that it would be immediately available in the house should Mom need it (which she most assuredly will at some point). She failed to persuade Mom to order a hospital bed. There was frank talk about how Mom’s condition could decline very quickly at any time, and the nurse seems set to come every day from here on out.

I spoke with the nurse out on the porch afterward. She suspects that the cancer has spread to the lymph system and that possibly the kidneys are starting to shut down. We probably don’t have much time left.

Once the nurse had gone, I came back inside the house to find Mom still sitting at the table, but with her head down and resting on her arm. I helped her up and we slowly made our way to her bedroom. On the way, she gave me some instructions about clothes she wanted brought downstairs for good (her bedroom now is the former living room on the main floor). Once I got her settled in bed, I headed out to pick up some items that we could use to organize her clothing plus another pair of soft shoes that would accommodate her swollen feet. Thankfully, the current trend of “ballet slipper” shoes works perfectly for our purposes, so I purchased a pair that is two sizes larger than Mom’s normal shoe size. She loved them!

Mom was still in bed when I returned with my purchases, but she was awake and expressed amazement that she had slept so long. She said she’d slept deeply during those 90 minutes and she felt much, much better. She also remarked that the next time she felt that bad in the morning, she’d simply go back to bed. I agreed. At her request, I stayed for dinner – a dish that we always called “Glop” when I was growing up. (It’s a mixture of ground beef, cooked macaroni, canned tomatoes, onions and seasoning, all stirred up in one pot. It’s pretty tasty, actually, depending on how you make it. The name “Glop” stems from the sound it makes when you dish it onto your plate.)

Mom cracked a few jokes and ate really well. My stepfather was very affable and helped me with the dishes. I cleaned up and then headed back to my temporary home in town well before dark.

And here I am, at 4:45 a.m., sitting up in bed and writing my blog. My mind began racing as soon as I woke up and there seemed no point in tossing and turning. I usually pray when I can’t sleep, but I couldn’t get my thoughts to be anything but frantic and scattered, so I finally turned on the light and my computer. Now that I’ve done some writing, perhaps I can also have a lucid conversation with my Creator.

Yesterday was a mixed bag. Stay tuned for the next report…

Once again, I send my love and gratitude to all of you who are supporting me in prayer and tracking me through this journey. I could not do it without you!

- Catherine

Update AND the Random Dozen for Wednesday

So, the update is that my mother had a good day yesterday, and so did my stepfather! I went over around 11:45 a.m. to help her clean out the refrigerator and then get her settled for her nap. She was almost sprightly, she felt so good! Well, as sprightly as you can be when you're dragging around an extra 30 pounds of fluid weight. She'd had a good night's sleep on her heated mattress cover (her first) and woke feeling better than she has in a while -- she said her bones didn't ache when she got up. She was able to stay awake all morning (which tells me that some of that daytime tiredness has been from not getting a good night's sleep).

I asked how my stepfather was and she said he'd woken up grumpy but that she'd been grumpy, too, and that they'd grumped at each other all morning long. He finally said, "You're contrary today." And she replied, "Yes, I am. But I'm on my two feet!" After that, he went outside to haul wood.

Wise man.

He came inside while I was there and was very affable. Of course, I also was careful not to overstay my welcome. I stayed just long enough for the Hospice nurse's visit -- about an hour and a half.

The Hospice nurse measured my mother's ankles -- they were 1/2 inch more swollen than the day before. Looks like the edema is about at the "Plus 3" stage -- on a scale of 1-5, that is. Soon, the fluid will rise high enough to affect her lungs and heart. She may die of complications from the fluid or she may die from the cancer on her liver. It's anyone's guess right now. Her kidneys aren't working very well, either -- her urine output is minimal, so it seems that things are shutting down.

In the meantime, yesterday was a good day.

And now, for the Random Dozen, thanks to Lid at 2nd Cup of Coffee:



1. Tell me something about your favorite teacher.

I’ve had some great teachers in my life, but my first grade teacher, Mrs. Schlamp, is the one that stands out in my memory when I hear the phrase “favorite teacher.” Sharp, intelligent, kind and fair are the words that come to mind. She was no pushover, nor was she one of those elementary school teachers who treated her students like they were “precious.” My brother had had her the year before, but she never held that up as a comparison for me, in my memory. And she treated me like I had worth and was intelligent – a situation I’d not really experienced before. I just loved her dearly and was sad to leave her classroom.

2. Tell me about one pivotal moment in your life.

After years of rebellion and trying to stand on my own two feet – and making a perfect hash-up of the whole thing – I had it out with God one afternoon. I’d been a saved Christian since I was a teenager but had developed into a very self-reliant, independent adult whose life had spiraled out of control because she didn’t lean on and learn from her Lord and Savior. I’ll never forget the absolute quiet that succeeded that storm of tears and sobs. I wondered if He was still there – I’d been pretty rough in my anger and rage. And He was, indeed, still right there. My attitude changed immediately, and I dove deeper and deeper into an authentic faith in the living Lord, a journey I'm still on and always will be.

3. About favorite colors--a lot of people will ask you what it is, but I want to know why it is. What feeling or memory does it evoke?

Favorite color to wear – pale pink. Why? Because I think it softens my strong facial features (square jaw, large nose, etc.) and makes me look more feminine.

4. What's a sure sign that you're getting older?

The fact that I struggle to get up off the floor and that I audibly groan along with my complaining joints when I do so.

5. Please don't sermonize, but Halloween--is it a yes or no for you?

Yes for little kids trick or treating in fun and non-evil costumes. No for teens/adults having drunken bacchanals or getting into satanic stuff.

6. What's your favorite musical?

South Pacific. It has an absolutely glorious score (“Wonderful Guy” remains one of my all time favorites) and there is still a timely message in the story (“You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear….”)

7. Are you more of a city mouse or country mouse?

Country. The city wears me out and makes me feel hemmed in.

8. Did you know that it is possible, for a small fee, to name a real star after someone? (It's true! Google it!) If someone were to name a star for you, would you appreciate it for its whimsy and romance, or would you say, "Are you kidding me? For $19.95 we could have gone to the movie and actually bought popcorn."

I’d truly appreciate it from a close friend (or friends) and think it was a complete waste of money from anyone else.

This question comes from Paula at His Ways Are Not Our Ways.
9. What's the craziest thing you've ever been doing and texted during it? I only thought of this b/c I was about to try to text during my walking video but I didn't.

During rehearsal with my church’s praise band, when I’m playing the keyboard, I ignore incoming phone calls and text back the words “In rehearsal.” That’s about as crazy as it gets, I’m afraid.


10. "It's not a party unless _______."

it includes family and good food!

11. When you're stuck in traffic or a waiting room, what do you do to pass the time? PS: There are no magazines available.

I have a “Crackberry.” ‘Nuff said.

12. If you weren't yourself, would you be friends with you?

That’s a tough one. I think I’d like the fact that I’m loyal, funny and frank (not mean or rude, just frank). Maybe I wouldn’t like the fact that I don’t keep up with my friends as much as I should. Hmmm… that really is a tough question.

Cold Light of Day

I won't pretend that our family relationships are all smooth sailing here. It would be nice to have the fantasy of tying up all the loose ends as my mother's life on earth comes to a close, but that really isn't happening on a widespread basis in my corner of the world.

My mother and I are fine, and that's the biggest blessing, of course.

My stepfather and I are not so fine, however. I still, to this day, have not the slightest idea when and how his enmity toward me began, but he is an unforgiving man, unfortunately -- once you cross him, that's it. He's been my stepfather since I was 17 years old -- I never lived with them, but no doubt I crossed him at some point. I don't know when. I just know that he resents my presence and that our good weekend was due solely to my brother being around. My stepfather likes him.

Now that my brother has gone home and it's just me, the real feelings are coming out again.

He is not a man that you can talk to. There are no discussions about feelings. There is just scorn and animosity as far as the eye can see, and any attempts at making amends would be greeted with derision. As I said, once he is crossed, he writes that person off.

I wouldn't care so much except that his temper sometimes gets the better of him and then my mother suffers (not physically -- there is no danger of that). She wants me here with her. My stepfather has been taking good care of her, but he IS 83 years old and he is tired. He cannot keep up with all of it and there are some aspects of her care that he's really not willing or able to do.

This is a long whine, I know. I'm not asking for sympathy -- just prayer that the miracle of God's grace will cover this situation so that my mother is protected and comfortable.

Many thanks to all of you for tracking me on this odyssey. Your support means the world to me!

- Catherine

Weekend wrap

The weekend is over and we are all back to real life.

Except that I'm 2000 miles from home in a coffee shop in the middle of Pennsylvania.

And my mother is dying.

The weekend went well, really. My brother and sister-in-law arrived shortly after noontime on Saturday, bringing with them a magnificent pot roast dinner that my sister-in-law had cooked at home the night before. Amazing meat, gravy, carrots, etc., etc., etc... you get the picture. We feasted, and Mom ate quite well.

She was really happy to see everyone there. But her strength gives out so quickly these days that we took a couple of breaks to drive into town simply to give her the opportunity to have a nap in her chair in peace and quiet.

My sister-in-law, Donna, is a home health aide, so she wrapped mom's legs for her - and taught me how to do it, too. The legs are terribly swollen with fluid, and they are red and starting to blister where the fluid is trying to escape through the skin. Wrapping them in non-stick pads helps to relieve the pain and irritation, and Mom was much more comfortable after we did that.

Comfort is the name of the game now. Last night we purchased a heated mattress cover, which will help keep her warm at night and decrease the need for lots of blankets (which are too heavy for her). With the heat from the mattress cover underneath her, she should be able to use a light comforter and be much more comfortable.

Tonight I'll be 'babysitting' while my stepfather attends a meeting (he's a township supervisor). My relationship with him has been good since I arrived, and I'm praying that it remains so. I feel terrible for the loss that he is going to endure -- my mother is the love of his life and his best friend in all the world. They've been together for 33 years, through thick and thin. The hole in his life will be huge.

Mom is slowing putting her things in order. She's closed her bank accounts and put all the money into my stepfather's accounts (to avoid complications later). She and I will be packing up the contents of her china closet this week - all the family china and heirloom pieces come to me. She and my stepfather have planned her funeral, picked out her casket, talked to their pastor about music and scripture, etc.

A good but bittersweet weekend, all in all.

- Catherine

The Visit - Day #2

I’ve found a terrific coffee shop down the street from where I am staying in Lock Haven, PA – free Wifi and good coffee. So, I’ll be doing my blog updates and email from here each day (well, not Sundays)

I arrived safely around 2:00 p.m. yesterday. It rained in the morning, as it had the day before, but once again it was dry by the early afternoon.

Strangely, I encountered the same phenomenon at the Ohio/Pennsylvania border that I’d encountered at the Illinois/Indiana border – namely, a reduced speed limit that resulted in people driving like it was NASCAR. It’s like they are throwing themselves at the border or something. Bizarre.

I’d forgotten just how beautiful are the river valleys of Pennsylvania, especially during the Fall foliage season. Despite the gloomy clouds, the countryside as you drive along I-80 is just a sight to behold! The rolling hills and deep ravines are completely smothered in yellows, reds and oranges. I reveled in it, I must say.

I found my mother both cheerful and tearful. As she slowly advanced onto the front porch, she held out her arms and said “Oh, Cath, I’m just so glad to see you.” It’s been a hard time for her, these last few months. My stepfather has been taking very good care of her, and that is totally evident to anyone who visits them. But she missed me, and I have to admit that that felt good.

I spent quite a lot of my drive across country in conversation with God. My relationship with my stepfather has been pretty darn tense at times through the years, and I prayed that we would find a way to stay on an even keel for Mom’s sake. It’s early days yet, but yesterday we were off to a good start. I will continue to pray that God helps my attitude remain in the right place and that, as much as possible, my stepfather and I would get along well while I am here.

It’s been very difficult to mentally and emotionally process my mother’s declining health. To have her hobbling around instead of bouncing through the house is a sight I’ve never seen before in my life. Her body is wrecked by the cancer – from the waist down she is horribly swollen from all the fluid retention. She can’t wear regular shoes – instead she has a pair of Crocs that have been slit up the sides – and her feet just barely fit in those. Her legs are so full of fluid that they have begun to weep through the skin. Hospice is coming today to show her how to bandage them to catch the fluid.

My brother and his wife will arrive later today and stay overnight in town. My brother is having an even harder time than I am with the imminent death of our mother, and I hope this visit will give him some peace. When our dad died, he was able to stay with him at the end. In fact, it was my brother who talked my dad through to the end. It’s upsetting Ed that he will not be able to do the same for our mom, due to distance and work schedule.

Perhaps it isn’t appropriate to speculate, but I have a feeling that when my mother dies, she will slip away in the middle of the night. She absolutely hates emotional scenes, and I think she will simply pass away when everyone else is asleep.

So, I’m off to my mother’s house now. I told my stepfather that I’d watch the college football game with him this afternoon (Penn State playing Michigan).

- Catherine

Friday Fave Five

I really needed to do this particular exercise this week -- it does the soul good to reflect on the positive during a challenging time of life.

So, once again, in no particular order:

1. A job that allows me the flexibility to work from the road.
2. The prayers of so many people across the country, moving me forward both on the drive and through this very difficult time in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
3. The fact that when my mother's time here on earth ends, she will go home to be with her Lord and Savior.
4. My stepfather's niece and her husband, who are opening their home to me so that I can stay near my mother.
5. My wonderful husband, who is the most supportive human being on this planet.

And, for good measure:
6. Funny videos on YouTube -- like the video of the silent monks doing the Hallelujah Chorus. I nearly fell off my chair laughing. (Thank you, Pete, for sending it to me!)

- Catherine

Day #3

Long day today -- I started out at 7:15 a.m. Central time and ended my drive at 8:45 p.m. Eastern time. That's more than 12 hours on the road, even allowing for the time zone change.

But.... I didn't drive that whole time. I did indeed leave at 7:15 a.m. in the pouring rain, and quickly realized that I couldn't drive an unfamiliar Interstate in the dark in the pouring rain. I pulled over three exits down and found a place to have breakfast until there was enough light for me to drive in the rain.

So, I left again at 8:00 or so. It rained all the way through Iowa -- and I mean, today it poured. Not fun. Not fun at all. BUT -- I noticed that I was still far more relaxed in the situation than I normally would be, so everyone's prayers are definitely doing me good.

I stopped for another 45 minutes for lunch in Illinois. Still raining at that point.

About the time I hit the Chicago area, the rain stopped and it was only overcast for the rest of the drive.

Did you know that the speed limit around the Illinois/Indiana border is just 55 m.p.h. Did you know that NO ONE does that speed? NO ONE! It was like the Indianapolis 500 on that section of I-80. I did okay (I did learn to drive in New Jersey, after all), but sheesh! It was like they all saw the speed limit reduction to 55 and immediately leaned on the gas pedal. Through a construction zone, no less!

I decided to take advantage of the dry roads this evening and pushed on to my target stop of Milan, Ohio. It's some 40 miles east of Toledo, putting me within about 5 hours of my mother. So, even if it rains tomorrow -- which it IS supposed to do, I might add -- I have time to go slowly if I need to and still arrive before dark.

The update on my mother is that they won't be doing that procedure to draw off fluid from her abdomen. Her hemoglobin is so low that there is a big risk she would bleed to death. I think that's it for anything they could have done to relieve her discomfort. She's still not having much in the way of pain, but the fluid retention makes her very uncomfortable in her feet, in her legs, and in her abdomen.

I'm so glad I'm making the trip now and didn't wait any longer. I can see and feel God's timing in this -- just as I did when my Dad died in 2007. I do not know how much time we have, but I sense it isn't going to be very long, and I'm very glad that I get to spend it all with Mom now.

- Catherine

Greetings from the road - Day #2

So, Nebraska is a long state to drive from West to East, I must say. And nothin' but cornfields all the way. Wow! The landscape has the occasional ruined homestead -- a vivid reminder of the pioneer days of this country. But mostly it's just cornfield after cornfield after cornfield.

The temperature in Kimball, NE, this morning was about 35 degrees. In Urbandale, Iowa, this evening, it was 65. And it rained most of today, but there were enough breaks for me to be able to relax at the wheel for a bit before the next patch of rain started. Fortunately, none of it was pouring rain -- I'm very thankful I didn't have to deal with that.

I made it into Iowa today -- Urbandale is a suburb of Des Moines. Along Interstate 80 in Iowa are these absolutely enormous wind turbines -- modern windmills. And I mean, they are HUGE. And so high that the tops -- the windmill part -- were in the low-ceiling clouds, which meant that as I drove along down the highway, the enormous windmills loomed out of the mist and cloud. Very eerie and very cool. I wish I'd had a camera, but I wasn't about to stop driving just to take pictures today. Sorry!

Tomorrow my goal is to get to Ohio. We'll see. My left leg was pretty well cramped up by the time I pulled in tonight at 6:15 p.m. I'd driven for 10 hours today -- well, driving for a bit more than 9 hours because I did take time off for lunch. I don't know if I can do another 9 hour stint tomorrow. We'll see. The good news is that I am a bit more than half-way to my destination, so I should be able to finish it in the two remaining travel days and still get in before dark on Friday (in theory, anyway).

My mother is having an ultrasound done on Friday, and then they will draw off some of the fluid in her abdomen. That should make her more comfortable. No way I'll get there in time for the procedure on Friday, but that's okay -- I'll see her late in the day.

- Catherine

Random Dozen -- the Wednesday meme

I know it's Tuesday night, but I'll be on the road all day tomorrow -- so here is this week's Random Dozen, thanks once again to Lid over at 2nd Cup of Coffee.


1. Candy corn: Your thoughts?

Candy Corn is something I never think about. Nor do I eat it. Nasty stuff.

2. Briefly, what was the first conversation you ever had with your spouse? (or best friend, if you're not married.) (Or someone significant, like your librarian.)

My first conversation with Tim was not in person – it was over email. I really don’t remember, but I think it was just a general getting-to-know-you kind of conversation. (I was not interested in Tim until a full year after we had first met, so the initial getting acquainted period isn’t etched in my memory, I’m afraid. He’s okay with that because in the end, he got the girl.)

3. Could you ever become a vegetarian?

Emphatically, NO.

4. Have you ever dressed up your pet in a costume?

See #3.
That said, my niece has dressed up our dog a time or two. Hank is very patient, and he looks kind of cute with nail polish on his claws.

5. Name something about childhood that you miss (like Clark Bars, Teaberry Gum, Malibu Barbie, cracking fake eggs on people's heads with your fist and "It's the Great Pumpkin" airing only once a year).

Tangible things? I miss the smaller sized candy bars that you paid 5 cents for (for which you paid 5 cents). Intangible things? I miss the sense of trust that people used to have of one another and the standard of trustworthiness that used to be the norm in our society.

6. Have you ever won a trophy? If not, what do you deserve a trophy for?

I don’t recall ever winning a trophy. I’m not athletic, so I would not have been on any sports teams or in any competitions. I think I won the Silver Badge for Physical Fitness one year, but that’s about it. As for what I deserve? I think I deserve a trophy for putting up with people who are either habitually late or simply don't show up to a function. It seems to be an epidemic in our part of the country – maybe it’s something in the water.

7. When do you think is the appropriate time to begin playing Christmas music each year?

In October, as soon as there’s a nip in the air and the trees and bushes are starting to die off.

8. What's your favorite board game?

Cranium, I guess. I’m not very much into board games, I’m afraid. But I do find Cranium to be pretty fun.

9. How do you feel about surprises (receiving, not giving)?

It depends on the circumstances. If someone throws me a surprise party or some other pleasant activity that is designed to make me (or someone I love) happy, then I enjoy surprises. If someone is just playing a prank for their own amusement and the situation gets in my way, then I’m probably going to let them have it with both barrels. And if it’s the kind of surprise where my husband says, “Oh, didn’t I tell you…?” three minutes before we have to be somewhere or, worse yet, at a family party where everyone else already knows whatever it was he didn’t tell me….. then murder is on the table.

10. Is it easy for you to say, "I'm sorry?"

For the most part, yes, although there are one or two people in this world that I’d probably choke before I’d say I’m sorry. Not very Christian, I know, and I AM working on it.


11. What is your favorite candle scent?

Eucalyptus. I love how it cleans the air and smells so fresh.

12. October is traditionally "open house" time in public schools. If you had a literal open house in your home (like a reception) what light snacks would you serve visitors and what would you show them (as in art projects, graded papers) that would uniquely represent you?

Snacks: 1) Black Bean Salsa with Tortilla Chips; 2) a cheese tray with crackers; 3) candy in a dish; 4) a selection of beverages.
Items for show: scrapbook pages and homemade cards, plus I’d definitely sing them a song.

On the eve

Some thoughts on the eve of my trip East:

I'm leaving tomorrow morning as early as I can get on the road, hoping to make Ogallala, Nebraska, by tomorrow night.

I've checked the time zones and I'll still be in the Mountain time zone in Ogallala. I have a conference call scheduled in the afternoon; I'm not looking forward to having to pull over the car for the call, but that will be the safest thing to do.

The forecast, as of last night, was for rain most of this week -- basically it will be following me as I go East. Lovely.

I'm about a third of the way packed up right now. I'd like to get done in time to watch Monday Night Football with my husband this evening, so I'm not spending too much time on anything else (except cleaning the house, of course -- because it probably won't be cleaned very much while I'm away).

Okay. Next blog post from the road. Please know that I appreciate everyone's prayers for us. I have truly felt supported and lifted up! Include a prayer for my safety, please, this week. I'm not nervous, but it's a long drive when you're by yourself.

- Catherine

And now for the car ride...

My mother did not sound good on the phone yesterday when I talked to her. And the email that I received after our conversation was even more disturbing. There is nothing that the medical establishment can do for the fluid retention she is experiencing or for the anemia. She can’t wear shoes, she’s exhausted and she’s very uncomfortable. Yesterday morning she could hardly do any housework because she was so weary – could barely get her few breakfast dishes done. Hospice told her that the body’s health will go downhill as her appetite and fluid intake decrease – and she admitted to me that her appetite has started to wane.

It’s time for me to go.

And when I spoke to her this morning and said I would be coming in a week, she agreed that it was time. So that cements it.

I need prayer for good weather and travel mercies along the route (the majority of which will be Interstate 80 from Wyoming to central Pennsylvania). I had originally thought to do it in 3 days, however I don’t think I’m up to driving 10-12 hours straight each day (it’s a 30 hour drive). I think I will stretch it to 4 days instead, leaving Tuesday and arriving Friday.

I need prayer, too, for the family that I am leaving at home. When the time comes, Tim will fly out for the funeral and then drive home with me. In the meantime, I’ll be missing him and our youngest terribly. (And Hank, too, who will not understand why I am leaving him for so long.)

And, finally, I need prayer for the situation that I will find when I get there. Family relationships can be tricky, and the stress of serious illness can make them even trickier. My hope is to walk softly through the coming weeks and to be helpful without intruding.

- Catherine

Friday's Fave Five

Now that I'm participating in the Friday Fave Five, I do find myself looking out during the week for good things to mention on Friday. That's helped my outlook, I think -- so, thanks to Susanne at Living to Tell the Story for creating this meme!

And so, without further adieu:

1. Hot, homemade scones right out of the oven. (I can make them gluten-free and they are really good!) Buttered while piping hot and served with a good cup of tea. Mmmmmm…..

2. Soft, warm, thick, cushy, real wool socks on a cold day. I get them at our CAL Ranch store -- a great farm/ranch supply store in our town (they are a chain in the West). CAL Ranch is also where I buy Christmas presents for the little boys in our family -- they stock some really cool John Deere toys and other stuff that boys love (and that you won't find at Toys R Us).

3. All the prayers that are said on behalf of my mother and me every day. I definitely can tell that we are being lifted up and supported by those prayers. It came home to me most significantly this week when a friend in Tennessee announced that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will be having a double mastectomy very soon. My very, very, very first thought? I can pray for her and her young family – and it WILL make a difference in her life. I know that because it has made a difference in mine and my mother’s.

4. Inspector Lewis series on Masterpiece Mystery. I’ve managed to miss most of the episodes of the new season, but I’ll catch it next time around. I love the Oxford setting (I have fond memories of vacation time spent in Oxford), and the character of Sgt. Hathaway is just so cool!

5. Our church’s Women’s Retreat this weekend – can’t wait!! I'm doing the music and the Saturday afternoon discussion - and it's been amazing to see how God has guided and prompted and provided for it all.

Have a great weekend!

- Catherine